i'm darkness and light, bubbles and faerie wings. i am sparkles and glitter, shadows and clouds. i love purple, and faeries, and books, and music.

Ramblings by Category

Ramblings by Year

Trick or Treat

I have been a lousy blogger, both on the personal blog and on this here book blog. I don’t even think I have read a book since The Magicians and I am trying very hard to get Random Magic finished as I’m up on the blog tour on Monday! Gah! I have been in one heck of a state of mind and add to that the stress from work, I just can’t focus on anything. All I seem to do is click links or play my flash match games for some mindless entertainment. Not watching TV (except for Glee) and not reading books. I can’t seem to get into anything right now.

But I have my costume all ready to wear to work in the morning. First time I have been this excited about a costume in my LIFE.

Happy Halloween everyone! And please don’t forget about me!

hint

Three guesses…

I have never been this excited about a Halloween costume before in my life.

the new office uniform

… it’s what all cool admin staff are wearing at work!

(Click to enlarge)

I was bullied into getting this sweater dress. By the tall one. That Amazonian one and her Italian-Mob Boss co-worker. They are mean women. And even though Mo said “It’s like high school!” I said later to Shawn in the car, “Not for me! I didn’t have close enough friends to all buy the same outfit. Technically this is better than high school – I’m cool now! I have friends!”

The best part? We all bought this yesterday, said we’d wear it today and we all came in wearing it in our own styles.

I don’t only have friends, I have great friends.

various & sunday

What a week it has been! It was one of those weeks that makes you seriously think “I really need to do something about something!” and then try and figure out what it is that needs to be done.

Meanwhile, the weekend has been calm and uneventful. I have spent much of it in my pyjamas doing nothing or little things. Yesterday Shawn was out so I puttered around on the computer playing games (match games and hidden object games – ones where I CAN’T die. heh) and then made some soup, watched some TV (Joy of Painting! I love that show!) and took a nap. When Shawn got home we ate random things for dinner/snack and then went out to a movie – we saw Zombieland and although I am the farthest thing from a zombie fan that you can find, I enjoyed it! The beginning of the movie was a little gross for me, but it tamed down as the movie went on and it was very funny! We used one of the two 2-for-1 admissions coupons I have. This means we need to find another movie we’d both like to see before November 11th.

When the movie was over we stopped in Chapigo on the way back to the car – and bought nothing! I am so out of sorts this season as it has been many times since August that I have gone into a store and came out with nothing. There are many books I want to buy, I just don’t feel like buying any of them. In fact I can’t even read the books I HAVE already at home. Argh. I hate these reading ruts.

When we got home it was after 10PM and the rain had stopped and it was pretty mild so we took the dogs for a walk. It was pretty peaceful.

Today? Nothing much. I am still in my jammies, but I have managed to brush and wash Annie and have dyed my hair and oh! On Friday night I got my Halloween costume! Totally un-related to Annie’s grooming, but I knew I forgot something. It’s not the costume I wanted (same character, just different costume) but I am happy that I found it in the Halloween store, since stupid Zellers didn’t have the one in stock that they advertised in their circular this week. I was so sad about that. I wasn’t even going to dress up this year because I am just not feeling all that festive – and then I saw this costume in the circular and said if I could find it and it fit I would dress up.

Now I can’t wait for Friday!

And in other news… though the gluten-free thing has not really done anything at all in regards to my pain and inflammation, I do notice a difference digestively and energy-wise when I eat something high in gluten. (I have only had “real” bread once for a sandwich since I started this and it made me feel awful afterwards and the one time early on I had pasta nearly killed me). I have not been 100% faithful to the diet though, I am still about 90% gluten-free a week and something little always manages to slip in. But having cut out the bread and pasta with the gluten-free stuff has made a big enough difference that I can tell. Sadly, not for the pain thing.

And on that matter – I have my follow-up on Nov. 10 for the MRI & blood test results. The pain killers are not doing as great of a job as they were at the start now that I am a month into them… so I hope something was found because this morning the pain in my hips was so bad I was dreaming about it again. Grr. And, ow!

15 years

Fifteen years ago, I was 18. I was in my second year of CEGEP. Fifteen years ago I was finally in the same school as one of my closest friends. Fifteen years ago it was a cold, wet, miserable October weekend. I remember sitting in choir practice waiting for them to arrive. It was only the day before that she and I had said “See you at choir!”. I didn’t know why they had not shown up yet. Choir practice seemed so long and dull and people were missing who were normally there. When mass started, I knew something was wrong. It was only after mass had ended that I found out – my friend and her mother had been in a car accident earlier that day.

One of my closest friends was in the hospital and her mother, one of my mother’s closest friends, didn’t make it. I spent that night wide awake in shock and grief. The next day, Sunday, I wrote the song below. Only later on did I find out that I wrote it almost at the exact same time Erin had passed away. Ever since then, I have posted the lyrics as a tribute on the anniversary of her passing. This year? Fifteen years have gone by since the accident and I can’t believe it.

She will always be 17.

This post is dedicated to Heather & Erin. I miss you and I am a better person having had you in my life for those 18 years.

~~>–<@>–<~~

erin walker 1977-1994

erin walker :: august 6, 1977 – october 23, 1994

when i close my eyes

she’s too young to be forgotten
her world has only just begun
her future is an empty slate
waiting to be filled
and i see her
standing there
when i close my eyes

dancing in the sky
over moonbeams, around clouds
starlight in her eyes
angels in her hair
and i see her
when i close my eyes

child of the sunlight
daughter of the day
sleeping on bed of roses
with flowers in her hair

the wind it softly kissed her cheek
the raindrops fell like tears

and i see her
when i close my eyes

a thousand white candles
their flames dancing with the air
as rocks play tag with ocean

she’s fast asleep
never to be woken

and i see her
when i close my eyes

© catherine healy
October 23, 1994