i'm darkness and light, bubbles and faerie wings. i am sparkles and glitter, shadows and clouds. i love purple, and faeries, and books, and music.

Ramblings by Category

Ramblings by Year

sometimes, you just need to be your parents’ little girl again, even if you’re all grown-up

I am still dealing with my PTSD. I am still not quite ok. I am much better than I was 3 months ago, but I am still unable to work a full 5-day work week. I just want to get through March.

Today (Wednesday) and tomorrow (March 27) is the one-year mark for my trauma and the jumper. I knew I didn’t want to be anywhere near downtown this week, I didn’t want to be anywhere near work. So I did something that seems to be quite helpful: I escaped my home and city and came to visit my parents in a completely different Province.

I’m currently blogging from the bottom bed of a bunk bed (I am sadly above the weight limit for the top bunk) in my parents’ house. I have come alone, letting my husband have a much needed vacation from me. 😉 I have been driven around, and fed, and entertained by my parents for the last 2 days and they have made me all of my favourite foods, and even altered some to make them gluten free for me.

I took a train. One-way, since my parents are driving me back home since they were coming back to Montreal this weekend anyhow. I spoiled myself and nabbed a discounted business class train ticket for the trip here. I was served a wonderfully delicious gluten free meal on the train.

(Seriously, Via Rail has managed to impress me three times so far with the quality of their gluten free meals!) (And wine!)

My Mum met me at the train station, since my father was in a course (painting!) and then we hit up the outlet mall so I could look for some new running shoes.  I was in town for less than 20 minutes and I’d already bought shoes. It was a good afternoon.

My parents used to live about 7 minutes away by car. Almost 2 years ago, they moved 3 hours away – from Quebec to Ontario. I have always been a Mommy’s Girl, and when I was sick or scared, or even happy – I’d want my Mummy. When what happened last March happened, I could only call my Mum. This is also the sort of thing you kind of want to protect your parents from anyhow. It’s a rather horrifying event to have happen to you and you know your parents can’t fix what happened. But sometimes, when you’re scared and sad, you just want to be that little girl. The little girl whose parents take care of her and tell her everything will be ok and they will slay your demons for you.

Neither my parents nor my husband could change what happened. They could just stand by me and offer me support and love when I needed it. But my parents live so far away and I went back to work (yes, pretty fast). I thought I was going to be ok. It was rough, I was in shock, I had anxiety and nightmares, but I was working through it.

But then I didn’t want to be around anyone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to see anyone. My parents visited for dinner one day after Christmas, but I didn’t spend much time with them after that.

But this week, this week I wanted to be with them. And so I am. I am being spoiled. I am being cared for. I am currently sitting in a kid’s bunk bed for crying out loud. 😉

My fort.

I might be 38, but the kid in me is happily being taken care of by her parents. Her parents are protecting her and they also have the added bonus of living a heck of a long way away from downtown Montreal and all of its tall buildings where people can jump to their doom.

There’s no stress. No anxiety. I am happier and calmer than I have been in months. Tomorrow’s anniversary (I need another word for this… anniversary is too HAPPY) will be spent here, with my parents. Possibly playing cards or Scrabble. Eating pineapple upside down cake. Cuddling with cats that I shouldn’t be cuddling with because I’m allergic to them. (Sorry, not sorry!)

I miss my husband and I miss my dogs. They are my everything. They have been such a huge part of my healing process. But sometimes… sometimes you just need your parents. There’s a certain kind of comfort that you can only get from your parents. It’s all part of the healing process and right now my healing process is calling for roast beef and pineapple upside down cake. 😉

I love my parents and I am so happy that I have been able to spend this week with them. Friday I go home to my husband and the dogs. Hopefully they have been surviving ok without me. My guess is that all three are just living off of pizza and fries. 😉