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Ramblings by Year

remembering – 2015 edition

erin walker 1977-1994

erin walker :: august 6, 1977 – october 23, 1994

when i close my eyes

she’s too young to be forgotten
her world has only just begun
her future is an empty slate
waiting to be filled
and i see her
standing there
when i close my eyes

dancing in the sky
over moonbeams, around clouds
starlight in her eyes
angels in her hair
and i see her
when i close my eyes

child of the sunlight
daughter of the day
sleeping on bed of roses
with flowers in her hair

the wind it softly kissed her cheek
the raindrops fell like tears

and i see her
when i close my eyes

a thousand white candles
their flames dancing with the air
as rocks play tag with ocean

she’s fast asleep
never to be woken

and i see her
when i close my eyes

© catherine healy
October 23, 1994

~~>–<@>–<~~

In 1994, I was 18.

As of tomorrow, I’ll be 3 months away from my 40th birthday.

Something about today was nagging at me. I couldn’t believe that October had vanished in the blink of an eye. I don’t even remember it starting (likely because I was out cold with a flu and fever the first two days of this month).

Today we went out to lunch with a friend who had worked her last day at her current job, and was about to start a new job next week. She’ll be working at a stable, with horses, on the South Shore.

When I got back to my desk, and half way through a task it hit me. Today (and tomorrow) is the 21st anniversary of losing one of my best friends, and her mother because of a car accident. They were on their way home from a riding lesson – horses, south shore, and October.

I often feel like I’m still 18. It’s difficult for me to get my head around the fact that I’ll be turning 40. Having worked in a school environment for so long has added to that baffling concept I am sure. I still think of time in form of semesters.

I will never be 18 again, but Erin will always remain 17. Twenty-one years separates us now. That’s old enough to drink the US. That’s considered adult. An entire lifetime has happened in the years between the accident and today.  It’s mind boggling.

I will always miss Erin, and her mother, Heather. Though I think I have let go of the anger that I carried with me for so long. I think this because I don’t watch the calendar for these two days to approach in October anymore. Now the anniversary sneaks up on me and I remember, fondly, the times we had together. Back then those years felt like forever together, only now am I realizing that more time has passed since the accident than the amount of time we knew each other.

But as always, I remember. And I will always honour that remembrance with this post.

seven things on a sunday

Seven Things on a Sunday @ Beyond Elsewhere

 

1 – Woah. I haven’t done a Seven Things on a Sunday since DECEMBER 2014! What? That’s crazy. I was sure I’d done one this year. I’m a horrible blogger. Yeesh.

2 – I like nail polish in theory, but not in practice. I love the idea of it. I see all these pretty colours in bottles and I buy them, and I love seeing colour on other people’s nails, but then I like it for about 30 seconds after I put it on. After that, it just bothers me. I don’t know why. And I can’t stand nail polish remover, so I never use it and just let the polish I might be wearing, flake off. Making me look like I’ve lead a harsh life on the streets or something.

3 – I am happy to report that this fall I am not falling to pieces as I have for the last two years. I am a little nervous about getting through the winter and, mostly, March, but I’ve been feeling pretty strong lately in the mental department and I am so thankful for this. I will have ups and downs going forward, and I accept that. I’m just happy to be feeling a lot more like myself than I had been. I’m also aware of how I have changed since the traumatic incident in 2013. Some good. Some bad. But I’m able to work with it now. So, yay!

4 – I used to have a pretty big sweet tooth, but I have noticed as I get older that I just don’t care much about cookies and cakes as I used to. In fact, some sweet things have sat around for so long that we end up tossing them out. Not that we were completely junk food sweets people, but we’d at least eventually finish a box of cookies, or cupcakes. Now? Nope. Who am I?!

New CKC Champion Finnish Lapphunds! Mysti and Yoshi!

5 – I have never known a dog like YoshiBear. I’m convinced that he is a stuffed animal brought to life through magic. He is completely devoted to me and follows me EVERYWHERE. Annie was my soul mate dog, and Jinx was our heart, but Yoshi is my shadow and fills me with such comfort that I never knew I could get from an animal. The second-to-last weekend in September we had a friend stay over with her three dogs, and we went to a dog show that was semi-local to here. Having 5 Finnish Lapphunds in the house was fun and exhausting. Sophie was happy when they all went home (although she was pretty swayed to their cause when she discovered that two of those three dogs were on a raw food diet. HAMBURGER MEAT? YES PLEASE!!). Yoshi finished off his Canadian championship that weekend, as did my friend Manon’s girl, Mysti. Here they are in their Awkward Prom Date Photo above. It was a fun weekend, which I will eventually write about (hahahahahah! No! Really!!), and it made me wish I lived a little closer to other people with Lappies because they are completely my soulmate breed. Yoshi is done being pretty in competitions for now I think. It’s not really my cup of tea, but it’s fun to meet up with friends and play with dogs.

6 – Crap. I don’t think I can remember all seven things I wanted to write about for this post. It’s taking me way too long to write.

7 – It’s almost 9:30 pm and I am up past my bedtime and I still don’t remember what I wanted to write about when I started this post. When did blogging get so hard? Why is this difficult? Good grief. I shall try to blog at least twice more this month. Someone remind me about this at regular intervals, ok? Thanks.