the anomaly that is me

big things, little things

There are big things I cannot write about. So I don’t.

But there are also little things. Little things I could write about, but the exhaustion from the big things makes it almost impossible to find any energy to write.

Little things like:  how I drove on snow for the first time EVER last night. Keep in mind, I have only had my actual license for 3 years now. I was always too scared to drive in winter. I was scared driving at all, to be honest. But the last year I have become way more comfortable behind the wheel and I had to get to an appointment and pick up my husband. So I drove in the snow and I feel like I have unlocked an achievement. Woo!

There are big things I would never write about. So I don’t.

But there are also little things that I don’t mind sharing with the world but the overwhelmingness of the big things I just have no desire to write about anything else.

Little things like: how I spent last weekend visiting Monkey and her husband and had a wonderful time. This, now traditional, visit at the start of December has become so special to me. It’s a much needed mental break away from big things and everything else.  I have an amazing friend who gets me and is happy to tailor the weekend to my state of mind. We can sit on the couch and watch TV and play Frozen Free Fall (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) and not really go out in big crowds. We can colour, craft, chat. And I feel calm and relaxed and I am so thankful for my friends. Monkey also feeds me VERY well. I am spoiled rotten with the food I am fed. Yum.

But the big things still loom and lurk.

And it often feels like the big things will never dissipate. Most creative aspects of my life suffer due to the big things. I am not writing (blogging), I am not reading, I am not making my Christmas cards (so I don’t think many will be sent out this year). I am feeling crushed by the big things which seem to last forever and ever.

I need to find the strength to focus on the little things and make sure I write them down, or I’ll forget all about them due to the weight of the big things. Because it’s not all about big things even if it feels like it is.

2 Comments

  • Kirsten

    Congratulations on driving on snow for the first time! I live in NS so I know how that feels I have had my licence almost 18 years now but I remember that first time on snow… scary!

    Having big things like that that way you down is tough. I tend to write about it all big, little, funny, scary, sad, happy, you name it. Maybe a private blog only for you that you can write the big things just so that you get them off your chest? I find writing about them often puts them in perspective for me and sometimes I get a pleasant surprise when I realize a big thing is not so big after it is “out in the open” so to speak (even if only for your eyes).

    Hope that your little good things start to outweigh the bigger badder things!

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