i'm darkness and light, bubbles and faerie wings. i am sparkles and glitter, shadows and clouds. i love purple, and faeries, and books, and music.

Ramblings by Category

Ramblings by Year

blogust the first

Day 1 – Why do you write?

There is something cathartic about writing. Writing my thoughts down on the page is how I clear the chaos in my head. Sometimes it helps, sometimes is doesn’t. But in order to drown out the white noise, I often have to put pen to paper. Or fingers to keyboard, as the case may be. Writing brings me a solace nothing else does.

I pretty much used to only write songs, lyrics and wind those words through the music playing in my head. The last handful of years the music has been drowned out by office life. I know that’s it, well, that and no longer being clinically depressed and suicidal. It’s funny how being happy can suddenly cause you to lose that creative spark. Hmm.

I also find that since I use a computer for 90% of what I write – be it personal or professional, I have a harder time creating. There’s a harsh disconnect between my brain and the keyboard. A disconnect that I don’t have when I use paper and pen. I used to write out essays, stories, lists by hand and then type them up. I can only write lyrics by keyboard if I have a font that matches the mood in my head. Next thing you know, I’ve spent two hours searching for fonts on the internet and the song I was trying to get out, on to the page, is GONE.

I keep a notebook in the drawer of the table beside my bed to try and catch those fleeting, flashes of words that might pop up as I am drifting off to sleep. I used to write in it weekly. The other night I picked it up and noticed it had been over a year since I’d last jotted down rogue words.

But I am feeling that itch. That desperate need to create and I need to try and contain the work-related fog and get through it. By the time I get home from the office I don’t want to think. I don’t want to write. I just sit and browse the internet. Total mindlessness. I have no energy for anything else. My brain shuts down.

But I can’t live like this. I need to create words and swirls of colours through feelings. I need to see something other than black, Times New Roman on white backgrounds.

So I bought myself a journal… or two.

I want to write, pen to paper, in purple (or pink! or turquoise! With STICKERS!). I want to find that spark that’s missing. Reconnect with my muse. Whether it’s journaling, or just jotting down words in abstract formation, I don’t care. I want to tap into that part of my soul again and get it back into shape.

My soul is tired and sad and when I write I feel it pulse with life. I don’t mean writing stories, as I have never aspired to be an author. I just like to get stuff out of my head and putting it down on paper (because screen doesn’t always work) helps me get rid of some of the demons hiding in the shadows. I miss my songs. I want my music back. I want my MUSE back and so I write.

And I will continue to write both on the blog, and in my starry, moon journal for the month of August and I will see where that takes me. My muse has died, or at least she’s comatose and it’s time to wake her up with a kiss and ride off into the sunset together.

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Instagram Photo a Day 

Photo A Day August: Day 1 – Outside: We should have our permit from the city to cut down the stupid tree soon. Thank goodness!!#photoadayaug 

3 comments to blogust the first

  • Yay for the tree coming down!! I might do some of these topics, but kind of terrible with too many projects…

  • I’m sure your muse will start sparking to life–you just have to give her some encouragement. 🙂 And Times New Roman is the most boring font ever invented.

  • I bet that once you start feeding her again that your muse will quickly spark back into life. I’ve found that like you being happy seems to kill the must. Or at least, being happy distracts you from her. There are things to do, people to see and experiences to make happen. That its hard to stop from the go go go or the quiet reflection to put that pen to paper. It can be the same with reading. If you stop doing it for long enough then it gets harder and harder to start again. And when you do it can be slow and frustrating but if you stick with it then it becomes fun again. I hope that you won’t get discouraged if your muse is slow to wake up because given time she’ll soon be soaring and taking you off to places unimagined now.