i'm darkness and light, bubbles and faerie wings.
i am sparkles and glitter, shadows and clouds.
i love purple, and faeries, and books, and music.

Ramblings by Category

Ramblings by Year

diary of a non-jogger – uuughh


Mo and I only got out one last week to fight that mountain. It was extremely painful for me this time around. Walking up the mountain gives me sharp pain in one place and I even resulted to lying down on a bench and trying to stretch it out. Didn’t work. It goes away as soon as I am on a downward slope though. I don’t know what it is. Something is pinching in a not good way. I don’t get this problem when I walk or run on flat land, so I know it’s all up-hill related. Up a STEEP hill.

I tried running but that wasn’t quite in the cards for me, though I did make it down the entire snaked path without stopping. I thought I was going to throw up when I stopped though. Ugh. Mo is very. very patient with me and encouraging and yet I still feel guilty and awkward that I am so slow and pain-filled and that I have to stop so frequently. Alas. I will eventually get over it. Mo hasn’t dropped me yet, so there’s hope. 😉

c25k – week 3 day 2

With all the mountain climbing and other stuff going on, I haven’t  been out at home in a long time. So today I told myself I’d run no matter what. No sleep? Too bad. Raining? Too bad. Didn’t feel like it? TOO BAD. (The only reasons I would allow were: migraine/stomach flu or high heat & humidity). I actually slept last night. Woo. First time in a week. I have been suffering from insomnia since we came back from Kingston in August. 🙁 I drank my tea, browsed the web (I am not a morning runner. Or morning ANYTHING.) Read the course notes for this week’s Module in my Sales & Marketing course and then… changed into running clothes and OFF I WENT!

Let’s see how I could tackle the Week 3 training program after 4 days of being out on that mountain and doing more than I thought I could! GO, CAT, GO!

It was awful. Not that I had to stop (though I did once and had a confusing moment out there). But it hurt. My right leg felt like it was made of lead. I have no idea what was pulling or tight or what. But it felt so heavy, even when I tried to lift it to try and stretch it out. Weird. I even forced myself to run that second 3 minutes and was SO PROUD that I made it, even if I was running slower than a turtle. Every run was a fight. A total fight. I wanted to stop and give up and just call Shawn to come pick me up so many times. But I didn’t stop. I pushed through. This was one of those times when I knew my body could do it even though it was protesting so much. I’ve said it before – I’m pretty good at knowing when I need to STOP or when I just need to suck it up and PUSH ON THROUGH.

So I pushed. I thought I would throw up at one point, but I didn’t. (yay) I did it. I got to my cool down walk and texted Shawn that I wanted to die. He told me not to and that he’d meet me with the dogs. So I limped towards home and met up with Shawn, Sophie and Jinx. When Jinx saw me from down the street he just took off running (which made Shawn and Sophie run since they were all attached together.) It was heart warming. Made me smile when all I wanted to do was cry.

I took Jinx, who immediately started to GALOOOOOMPH! away and I told him to hang on. We would galoomph when we got around the block to the next street. Mummy needed to continue to walk, even though the cool down was over.

So we walked and we GALOOOMPH!ed and we walked a little more and had one more GALOOMPH around the block and made our way home. Jinx still wanted to run so I ran a little bit down our street towards home. I was done when we got in. Done. But because of the dogs, I was finally smiling. The added walk/run with the dogs rounded out my trip to 5km. The C25K program was only 3.47, so getting that extra 1.5km in there was great.

I had two complaints about the run though. The first one is my own fault though. I once more thought that the run/walk segments were different than they were. So when I thought I was supposed to be doing a 90 second run and it turned out to be a 3 minute one, I just stopped cold when the voice said “Two minutes left!”. I was about to collapse and was trying to make that 90 seconds. It shocked me so much that I stopped and I couldn’t get back into the run. Plus I was at a busy intersection and had just missed the light. So I am going to write it out here to help me remember!

Walk 5 mins (warm up)
Run 3 minutes
Walk 2 minutes
Run 90 seconds
Walk 2 minutes
Run 3 minutes
Walk 1 minute

Walk 5 mins (cool down)

See, I keep expecting to run 90 seconds after each 3 minute run. But NO! I really do have two 3 minute runs right after each other. With only a minute in between. GAH!  That’s when I get lost and confused.

The second complaint is this – DO NOT tell me that my LAST RUN is coming up when I still have THREE MORE BLOODY RUNS! The other two weeks, I’d get a last run prompt 10 seconds before the LAST RUN. This time I think it prompted me before the start of the second set of runs. That is TOTALLY NOT COOL. I want to know it’s my last run when it is literally my LAST RUN. That also threw me off because I was certain I was on my cool down. Lying app.

The extra running I did with Jinx made up for the misses I had on the program. Plus they were way too fast for my liking. He was really eager to run and was trying to pull my arm out of its socket. I was trying to rein him in but I didn’t have the strength. 😉

I wanted to go out tomorrow, too, but I might go to a crossfit class in the morning and I don’t think I will be able to do both. We’ll see. Crossfit is at 9:30 in the morning and we all know how non-morningish I am. 😉 Aqua Fit starts back this week, too. I have to miss the first class on Monday, but I am looking forward to Wednesday with such excitement! If I can do Aqua Fit Mon & Wed. Crossfit on Tuesday and run Tues/Thurs I will be very  happy. Let’s see if I can keep this up?

I still feel like I’ll never be able to do this and I’ll always be a stupid, out of shape, manatee. And it’s hard and I hate that. But since I haven’t given this up at all since I started at the end of March, I’m not too worried that I’ll stop. I just hate that it’s taking me so long to progress. There is progression, but it’s small and I am way too impatient for that!

diary of a non-jogger – I’m sure there’s an inspirational quote about mountains that would work here

Tuesday, September 3 – Day One of OMG!Mountain!

So, if you don’t know anything about Montreal, here’s a tip. It’s built on a mountain. Mount Royal. Montréal. That’s French for Mount Royal. Now, I’m pretty lucky in that I don’t have to walk up any steep parts to get to work, but there are streets in this city that make me want to cry. (Whenever I had to visit Monkey in her last apartment in this city? Yeah. Painful. She moved to another Province and I find I get the urge to visit her more often just because THERE IS NO MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB. Bonus, I get to take a TRAIN!)

This week one of my besties was back at work from her summer leave and she suggested that we go out running at lunch. Only she jumped on this running thing a lot quicker than I did when I started because she was home and would do it after dropping her kids off at school. I was (still am, sometimes) very uncertain about going out with her because I am slow. Very slow. And I don’t have a lot of endurance and I don’t like feeling stupid as I stagger behind and have to stop and catch my breath every 3 seconds. But I brought in my running stuff on the first day of work this week with the intention of going out on our lunch break. We weren’t sure what to do so I suggested a route. It meant walking uphill for a while but we’d come back eventually and it would be about 3km.

Turned out, once I managed to make it to one intersection up on Parc I was ready to just fall to the ground and tell everyone to think of me fondly and go on without me. Ugh. But then there was a PATH. “Ooooh! Where does THAT go?!” I like paths that look like secrets. So we took it. Turns out it brings you up some mega-steep parts of the mountain and then you find a road and that evens out and you just walk, stagger, stop, lie down, curl up and cry. Or, you try to run, hurt too much, keep limping along, all the while apologizing to your friend Mo for being so out of shape and sore and slow and whale-like.

But in the end, you get back to the office, covered in sweat and limping slightly and you realize you’ve done over 5km on a mountain and even though there wasn’t as much running as you would have liked… running DOWNhill is pretty fun and you surpassed your distance record without even thinking about it!

And you survived! (questionably)

Wednesday, September 4 – Day Two of OMG!Mountain!

I was completely shocked when I woke up the next morning and nothing hurt. I was certain pain would cripple me as I tried to stand up. Nope. I felt great! Huh.

On my morning bus ride into town I realized I forgot to pack my shirt with my running gear, so I had to make a stop on my way to the office (thankfully one store is open before 9am on my route AND it has fitness clothes.) Hence the fancy purple tank top in the photo above.

So we went out again that lunch hour. It went a lot better (for me) than the day before, although I still had to stop multiple times as we walked UP the mountain. Not as long as the day before, but I had two sharp pains – one in my right Achilles and one on the left side of my lower-back/glute area. It made for difficult movement.

But this time? This time I ran a LOT. I also managed to run a full kilometre, even though it was downhill.

Turns out the trick to running is to just always run downhill. Maybe I’ll make sure my first 5k is a downhill all the way, one. Heh. Mo took my Victory Photo after I made that run. She also ran slightly ahead of me to wait for me to make it to the end of the snake path to give me a big victory hug as I ran the entire thing. I have some of the best friends EVER.

Thursday, September 5 – Day Three of OMG!Mountain!

There was very minimal running on the third day out. This is the most I have been out “running” in one consecutive swoop and it was so much UPHILL. I hurt. A lot. I just wanted to cry. I didn’t want to be there anymore, but once up on the mountain, you’re sort of stuck. You still have to walk to get down it. There was stopping. There was gasping for air. There was a feeling of despair.

But it was really nice out. Cool in the shade and in the forest, but nice in the sun. There were so many people out (passing us multiple times. I tell a lot of people that I hate them while out there. Quietly. Mostly to Mo. But still.) it was gorgeous and the best part was that we weren’t in the office. This week was brutal and we needed to get out, get away and work off some of the stress.

Due to sharp pains in my chest (indigestion, most likely) when I tried to run and breathe, we didn’t run much. We even walked back to the office in a slightly different route so we covered less ground. But all afternoon I struggled to stay awake, walk, move. Exist. Holy cow was I done.

I had to stay awake for a dinner with Jill that night! I’m surprised I didn’t fall asleep, face-first into my food. (It was close.) I hurt. I was so tired. Ugh.

But we went out three days in a row and I covered over 15km on my lunch breaks. Plus two of those three days had 2km+ dog walks at night. I was ACTIVE!

And last night I was asleep before 9pm. Almost before 8:30pm. I was so happy that Friday was a rest day. I don’t think I could have climbed that hill without collapsing. I don’t hurt at all this morning. Last night, aside from being so tired I thought i was drugged, I wasn’t sore either. My body is so much better at bouncing back after activity. I know this is progress.

And my new goal is to be able to run on this mountain. Run like all of the other people who pass me by while up there – young, old, with multiple babies in a stroller, etc. This is my lunch time activity. I am extremely lucky that I get a decently long lunch break and I am even luckier that I have an amazing friend in Mo. She encourages me, helps me and is so supportive as I stumble along and gasp for air. She slows down and walks with me. We chat, laugh, bitch, walk and run. In another week our aqua fit class starts back up and we should hopefully be alternating these outings with that class. Next week will be another three (maybe 4?) days of mountain walking/running. Bring. It. On. (And thank you, Mo!!!)

diary of a non-jogger – experimental

Tried to run a full kilometre and came short (0.76km) but kept going with walking and running. Managed to run just under 2km (by, like, 0.03 of a km, so let’s just round up ok?) out of the 5k. Concerned about my new shoes as I have major shin pain while running in them and I wasn’t having ANY leg/shin pain with the old shoes. Not sure if this will even out or if I made a bad shoe choice.

First time I hit 5km out though. The last almost kilometre was spent with husband and dogs. Sophie stopped for two poop breaks so it sort of cut into my time. 😉 I was averaging 10m 30s a km though per runkeeper and my walk/run splits.

I have iced my shins and I am off to soak in the tub for a half hour before I crawl into bed. First time I went out two consecutive days to run though. I wanted to run tonight. I needed to. My body said, “Let’s go!”. So I went.

I regret nothing. Woot!

diary of a non-jogger: new shoes, new pains

C25k – Week 3, Day 1 (this time with a WORKING app!)

I have been feeling out of sorts all day. Kind of bloated and nauseous and I will admit the McD’s cheeseburgers I had at lunch were probably not the best idea (I do not need a McD’s lecture in the comments. I won’t listen and I don’t eat it often and normally when I do, I feel fine.) I think my body didn’t want both burgers but I’m so used to eating two that I just scarfed them down without thinking and I have been feeling way to full since then. Even now – it’s after 8pm and I am not hungry. I haven’t eaten since noon.

I haven’t been sleeping either, which is adding to the out-of-sortsness and that’s been going on since we got back from Ontario. I think I am just over being in this province and stressed about having to stay here and go back to a job that doesn’t fulfill me anymore. Also… full moon. Me and the full moon just do not play nice together. Which is sad because I am really all about the moon. I love her. Why she doesn’t love me back, I’ll never know.

It was nice out today. Nice enough that I knew I could go out for a run. I have these lovely new purple running shoes to break in, so why not?

First thing first – apparently if you run with a working version of the app on iphone you run more often than the broken one for android. I didn’t know that. So I was confused.

Run 3m
Walk 2m
Run 90s
Walk 2m
Run 3m
Walk 1m

Repeat once. I was so confused when I kept getting a 3 minute run prompt. I thought it was because I had accidentally hit “Stop” instead of “Resume” after having paused the program at a particularly long light. I was just about to start what I thought was the last walk before my last run. I was so confused when I kept getting these 3 minute runs. What was going on?

Secondly – the new shoes. They are not at all as cushioned under the ball of my foot as the Brooks are. I could feel the pavement in my legs way more than I was before, so I know I am going to hurt in the morning. Add in the fact that the shoes need time to mould to my feet and are currently making me feet land in a different manner than they would naturally, my calves and shins were tight like heck tonight. I haven’t had shin pain since the middle of April! I am hoping it’s not going to last too long and that I only have to break these shoes in a little.

The Asics are considerably lighter than the Brooks so I am pretty sure I went faster than normal because of that. At one point I had to slow the run right down to slower than if I was walking just to make it to the end of the second three minutes. As it was, I didn’t quite make it and walked for about 25 seconds before it ended. Alas.

I don’t know much about breaking in running shoes (so if anyone does, comments welcome!) but I might alternate with my old shoes every second run (especially if I go back out tomorrow, which I am hoping to do)? I don’t know if that will make my legs and knee better or worse? I’ll totally play it by ear tomorrow and see how I am feeling, but I sort of want to try and do this running thing multiple days in a row and not wait. I will wait if I feel my body needs it, but I think I am up for it.

All in all, I did 2 full 3 min runs, 1 at 2 minutes and 1 almost at the three minutes and I completed both 90 second runs. It was a confusing outing but I got almost 14 minutes of running in and that last 3 minutes – I made it! I looked at my phone to see what I had left because I HAD to STOP OMG! But I saw that I only had 14 seconds left so… I kept going and they were the slowest 14 seconds ever.

I stopped the program with 2-minutes left on the 5-minute cool-down walk because Shawn was coming to meet me with the dogs and we just kept walking. There was no point in waiting for the program to tell me the walk was over. 😉

We’re coming to help you, Mummy!! *waggle*

I had texted Shawn to see if he wanted to meet me on my walk back (not realizing I had a last 3-minute run to do. I thought I was done. So confused!) and it made me so happy to see these guys walking up the street towards me as I gulped water and gasped for air and felt so proud that I made it through the week 3 program without too many stops while running. It wasn’t perfect, but I felt like I had accomplished way more than my last attempt.

Lastly… these new running shorts I splurged on yesterday? OMG! Why did no one tell me that clothing that is designed for running is THE BEST FREAKING THING EVER!? The shorts didn’t get all heavy and sweaty and they dry, like, instantly. So, so comfortable. (As was the Fuelbelt I bought as well. Loved it!) It doesn’t have washing instructions anywhere on the shorts, so I will have to google that, but holy cow did that make a huge difference in comfort as  was running. And it still has a drawstring so I can make sure that my shorts don’t fall off when I run. Heh.

Bonus – I have been doing mega cleaning around the house and finally took in three pairs of pants that needed zippers replaced. Thankfully I fit into all of them again and I noticed as I was trying them on last night (to make sure the zippers were fine and the pants were ok) I noticed that my bottom is looking lovely and toned. I might not be losing weight super fast, but I have a nice booty now. Go, running! haha! (Shawn also approves.)

I just hope that these new shoes will not cause too much leg and knee pain going forward because I have been blissfully devoid of those issues the last 4 months. Hmm.

if the shoe fits

One shoe, two shoe. Old shoe, new shoe.

Well, I guess it’s official. I am going to keep on keeping on with this running business. Before I spent any money on running paraphernalia I wanted to make sure this wasn’t just something I was going to try and then abandon after a few half-hearted attempts. But I spent money today, so it’s like, a real thing. I am going to be a runner.

And although I don’t go out nearly as often as I think I should. I have continued to lace-up and hit the pavement every month in hopes to progress a little bit farther than I had the last time I was out. I continue to consider all days that aren’t over 25C days that are, “good running days” and then become slightly mad at myself if I am not actually out there running. Or walk-running as I actually do. I have been out enough that my 2-year old Brooks are wearing through their soles. Granted they are two years old and I bought them while on strike so I’d have something comfortable to walk in a circle for 3 hours day in (let’s not talk about that anymore, shall we?). And in the last two years, there were a couple of actual half-hearted attempts at trying to jog in there, but I didn’t wear the shoes often enough to wear them down much.

However since the last week of March? I can now feel rocks and other little things through the bottom of my shoes WHILE WALKING. That made me take a look at them and realize how much I have worn them down in the last 5 months. But new running shoes are expensive. New running shoes are hard to pick out for me. I loved the cushion and support that my Brooks Adrenaline GTS had, but they were a little heavy. And I know that I tried on three different brand of shoes that day – including some awesome purple ones! – but I chose these because they felt the best on my feet. And they were. I have been able to run without foot pain which I never thought possible. They were great for high-arched feet like mine. But the latest edition of them didn’t feel fantastic when I tried them on. So I went to the Running Room and had them show me other shoes that were similar to what I had and what I needed. Only, it’s hard to find tiny feet shoes. The first RR I went to didn’t have any size 6’s* in stock except for one brand of Asics. Those felt weirdly tight and the last thing I want is for more pinching on my right foot to make it fall asleep while running.

So I took photos of the other shoes and decided to take a look at the RR closer to home and see what I could try on. Again, not all the shoes were in my size and although I was partial to some sort of Gel-type Asics, they were almost falling off my feet. So the woman suggested I try some shoes in the junior section. I was worried they would be too fragile for a heavier adult (with tiny feet) but I was surprised by how “normal” they felt. The first pair I was given were too narrow and although one foot felt ok, the other was pleading with me to try something else. So I asked about two other pairs and only one came in my size.

As soon as I put the first one on? I knew. This was going to be my shoe. I put both on and pranced around the store to see how supportive and cushioned they were and how solid they felt. I didn’t want to buy a pair of shoes that I’ll destroy in a month because I’m a 37 (and a half!) year old woman who isn’t 80 pounds. 😉 But they felt very similar to my Brooks.

Bonus: They are PURPLE. Oh, that made me so happy!

Super Bonus: They were less than half the price of the adult shoes (seriously!) and so I was able to look at the running shorts and get a new belt for water (go, go, Fuelbelt!)

I have now invested money into this crazy venture and not just my time. So I will make sure to continue with it. I am still unable to run even ONE kilometer after five months, but I am getting there. And I will, eventually, make 5km. My goal of being able to do a 5km at Disney World in October isn’t going to happen this year (unless miracles happen between now and then) but I will get a 5km in eventually. I seem to poop out at the 4km mark even with the walk/run training, so it’s very slow going. But I am determined and am actually enjoying the challenge this is giving me.

I honestly never, ever, thought this would be possible. Or a real thing. Childhood, teenage and 20-something-year old me would never have imagined in million years that I would want to run. And enjoy it when I do. Those past Me’s would have bet ALL of their money against this. And I’d be so poor right now because I just proved myself wrong.

These items all represent me now. It’s mind-blowing. Reading & running.

I am still not able to come out and say, “I am a runner” because I don’t quite feel that way yet. I know people say that I am a runner because I actually go out and DO the training and RUN, even if it’s ever so slightly. But until I can run for more than 3 minutes (twice in a row) and can reach at least that kilometre mark, I won’t feel comfortable calling myself a runner. It feels like a lie right now. I know it won’t always feel this way, so I know that I will be able to call myself a runner one day. Just not yet. I’m a beginner. That will work for me for the time being.

will be a runner. I need to start accepting this as fact. It’s the path my life has decided to follow. I have invested money on running paraphernalia and I will run. Although I’m not entirely certain what to do when winter descends upon us. I don’t quite see myself as a Running in the Snow & Ice sort of runner yet. Baby steps.

*Depending on how the shoe is made I can often wear anything from a kid’s size 3 to an adult size 6. My Brooks were a 6 and fit me perfectly. The other size 6’s I tried on today were too loose on my feet. It is so difficult trying to find shoes for me. Good grief.