i'm darkness and light, bubbles and faerie wings.
i am sparkles and glitter, shadows and clouds.
i love purple, and faeries, and books, and music.

Ramblings by Category

Ramblings by Year

christmas 2017

Once there was an evil grinch who decided to try to steal Christmas from us, and possibly many others. That evil grinch should rot in hell. Finding out at 9pm on the 22nd of December that your bank account has been hacked and all your money stolen, is not the way you want to start the Christmas festivities. Trust me, I know first hand.

I have to thank both gentlemen I spoke with, while trying to not break down,  as I was in  the car, in the parking  lot at work. Both the bank call-centre guy, and the credit card call-centre guy, we calm, helpful, and kind. I also need to thank the bank teller, and bank manager,  from one of the handful of branches that are open on a Saturday, for being calm, helpful, and kind. Because realizing this happened on a Friday night, when nothing bank-related is  open again for another 5 days, and having no access to your bank account, or credit card, AND having all money drained from your accounts, is NOT even close to Feeling Festive.

We won’t find anything out with regards to the fraud claims until who knows when – because nothing will be  looked at until December 27, but the people I spoke with Friday  night, and Saturday morning, did their best to get the ball rolling. I would just like the money put back in our accounts before the  mortgage is due.

And of course we keep having snow storms. Which used to be normal, but hasn’t been for the past 10 or so years. All this shovelling and bad driving. Keeps us active  though.

But also this weekend was a wonderful, and much needed, visit from my parents on the 23rd. They drove for 6  hours through a snowstorm to make it into town and come for dinner.

I worked all day Christmas Eve.

Shawn and I had a quiet Christmas day, the first Christmas for Abigail. We postponed going to his parents’ place due to weather. I just couldn’t deal with extra stress on my one day off between Christmas Eve and Boing Day retail shifts. We’ll have Christmas with them next weekend.

We got each  other thoughtful gifts.

The floofs each  had their own stocking full of  goodies.

Abigail had her first Christmas. She was loved. She was spoiled.

I slept for the first time in three days, the anxiety from having my personal information & account  breached finally at a lower level than it has been since Friday at 9pm. We will eventually get our money back, but my trust in a lot of things is shaken. My dislike  of most people has risen a notch or two. I am ready for this year to be over.

We are together. We are safe. We will weather this new storm together. We are loved. We have friends who care about us. We have three furry animals whom we hug and spoil.

The evil grinch tried to steal our Christmas but we didn’t let him win. I hope that grinch gets run over by his sleigh though.

Fucker.

Finnegan’s Christmas Theatre 2017

Finnegan’s take on the classic Christmas movie, Die Hard.

christmas 2016

Pookmas 2016

We certainly had snow for Christmas this year. Not like last year. And after a rather rough year, we managed to have one of the best Christmases I can think of. Stockings were full, and there were more gifts under the tree than I thought we’d have. And as always, Shawn won Christmas yet again with the best gift ever.

The Little Girl Who Lost Her Name

Every year Shawn manages to give me one gift that makes me cry, or at least tear up. He’s made me photo frames, and cards, and thoughtful gifts, but this one is hands down the one that hit my heart the hardest.

Once in a while silly little ads on social media sites work. In this case it was something Shawn saw (and I saw, too, actually only not this particular title) and thought it fit me. It fits. So well.

It’s no secret that I have been struggling since March 2013. And maybe even a little before then, but certainly since the trauma things have been a mess. As much as I have worked hard to put myself back together again, I was still feeling slightly broken, and very lost. Just the cover of this story made my breath catch. The title. The purple. The little girl with dark hair and polkadots.

Then I opened it. And the second page stopped me in my tracks.

follow the rainbow

A magic rainbow trail.

Seriously. When this entire year I have been surrounding myself with as many colours of the rainbow as I could. In a year when I felt like everything around me was grey and I was desperate for those rainbow moments. This little girl, with the lost name, found a magic rainbow trail that she had to follow.

Me.

So much me.

And on the story goes as the little girl meets random animals, and magical creatures, whom she helps with their problems, and in return they each give her a letter in hopes to help her find her name. Words like courageous, and splendid, and spellbound, are tossed around. And with each page my eyes grew even more teary.

And in the end…

I am who I am.

The girl who lost her name, finds it again and falls asleep wrapped in that magic rainbow.

And I cried. And I hugged my husband tight. And I cried. And I pick up this book and hug it every day. Because this story, this book, this gift… it was all so apt. So perfect for everything I have been going through and feeling since the start of this year.

– – – – –

Our tree wasn’t up as long as it normally is, and will come down this weekend. Our house isn’t as decorated as it has been in the past. I didn’t listen to Christmas music on repeat for a month (instead I shuffled my entire music library and had the Christmas tunes appear at random). I wasn’t feeling un-Christmassy, but I wasn’t feeling as overtly festive as I normally do. This was a quiet, and simple Christmas. I am working in retail now, and at the moment am not exhausted by it. It was nice to be out of the house during a time I’d normally be sitting on the couch dreading going back to the office once the holidays were over.

One year I’ll win Christmas with a gift that makes Shawn’s heart sing. He always outdoes me. He won with wedding vows, too. Dammit. Never thought I’d be out-sentimentaled on a continuous basis. It’s a good thing I love him. heh

green & simple christmas 2015

I had every intention of writing about Christmas before the last day of the month, but I had the flu and was miserable, and then I got LEGO Batman 3 and have been lost in a videogame void for the past few days and haven’t done much of anything else. And, and, and.

It seems strange to write about our green Christmas when the current view outside my window is nothing but SNOW, but we did have a very green Christmas this year. Christmas eve was 17C outside. And it was about 10C on Christmas day. Weirdest Christmas weather ever for this part of the world.

It wasn’t just the weather that was different, there’s been some other stuff that made this Christmas a little more difficult to find the joy within. But we had a simple, quiet holiday and I think it was just what we needed.

The older we get, the less we need that can be wrapped under a tree. We have been trying to declutter the house, so adding extra junk to that wasn’t really on our minds. This was also our first Christmas WITH Yoshi in the house. I was worried that he’d think the tree was an indoor potty, or that the ornaments were chew toys, but he didn’t really pay attention to the tree at all for the entire month. Good boy!

And whereas Sophie finds anything Christmas terrifying, Yoshi was right in on the action!

Each dog had a bully stick unwrapped in their stockings. We had to hand Sophie her’s – to her Safe Zone Spot way at the other end of the house – far, far away from CHRISTMAS, GAH! But Yoshi found his all on his own, took it out of the stocking and pranced around with it before settling down to chew away while we opened our gifts.

Yoshi also wanted to know what was in all of the other boxes and bags, so he occasionally wandered over, walked over all the stuff, and paper, and stuck his face into wrapped bags. He watched Shawn open his gifts very carefully – just in case there was something else for Yoshi! This one photo was a perfect capture, because the gift was to Shawn from the FLOOFS. I guess Yoshi was concerned that his unFLOOF wouldn’t like it. (It was a Chewbacca bobblehead. Shawn, the unFLOOF, did like it!)

As every year, my husband out-gifted me in every way – especially in thoughtfulness. My favourite gift this year from Shawn was this picture frame.

He updated the Finnish Lapphund Dr photos to include Sophie and Yoshi. All five of our Lappies are together in one place. My heart is just full of love for this man and our past and present dogs. (Counter clockwise: Kewpie, Annie, Jinx, Yoshi (and his scarfy), and Sophie.) I moved the other frame, of Kewpie, Annie, and Jinx onto another wall. *heart eyes*

Christmas dinner was had at my in-laws’, where we were spoiled yet again with gifts and love. I normally take a photo of their tree, but was feeling so sick that day that I forgot. Oops. Dinner was delicious, and laughs were plenty, and we had the best dessert I have ever had – some sort of creampuffs on top of brownie cake. OMG. Who knew that combination would work? I sure didn’t. But I want to marry that dessert now. We also got to take home ALL of the leftovers (including more than half a turkey!) because my in-laws were leaving the next morning to visit more family. So much food!

The next day was spent recovering from Christmas food and activity by cleaning the house because my parents were coming over for dinner. Heh. My parents dropped off the world’s biggest roast beef from their butcher in Kingston (YUM!) and it’s still in my fridge today (last of the left overs will be eaten for lunch). They came back after they visited my sister for a bit and we had a lovely visit and Christmas The Second with them that evening.

We’ve had a quiet and calm holiday break since then. I was sick, Shawn just caught my flu fully, and so we didn’t visit anyone, or go anywhere. The snow came finally, I think it tried to show up in as much quantity as it could to make up for the lack of snow all December. So now we’re (Shawn) out there shovelling every day. I just wanted it for Christmas. I have decided I am ok without having tons of snow around. Although the grey, rainy December was not helping with depression. Ugh. And due to schoolwork, illness, work-work, and this pesky chronic fatigue I have been fighting, I didn’t get any cards out at all. We staged an awkward family photo that I posted on facebook on Christmas eve. It’s silly, like us. And really, that’s all we needed out of this season. Simple, silly, quality time together. I hope your holidays were similar.

Merry Christmas from us!

trying to find the festive

I’m struggling, folks. I am finding it more and more difficult to find the festive the closer we get to Christmas. I’m feeling blue and I think it’s related to how green everything is. If I wanted a green Christmas, I’d move south.

green christmas 2015

There’s so much misery going around – for everyone. Adulting is HARD. You don’t really get to take a vacation from adulting either.

Couple the general negativity that’s going on in the world around us these days, with the fact that we have had a very mild, and green fall (into December), I’m just not feeling the Christmas joy. I don’t even feel much like faking said joy.

green christmas 2015

I came home from work one day to find that my husband had put up lights outside. We’ve never had lights outside and to come home, in the dark, to a glowy-whimsical front porch was a delight. When I got inside, I saw Shawn had put up various decorations and it really did cheer the place up a bit. He put stuff up in different places than I normally do – which I love! I get stuck in the same decorating pattern year after year, and it gets dull. This year things are mixed up and it feels nice.

But I still don’t feel very festive.

We went and picked up our tree today. It was 7C. I think it was in the negatives last year, and miserable outside. It’s strange getting ready for Christmas when it feels like mid-October outside. October felt like August. We might just have to push all of our seasons around by about two months.

Yoshi and his indoor potty

There are a lot of things on my mind, and it’s hard to weed through those things and focus on the few happy thoughts there are. This isn’t a PTSD-related thing. It’s just…everything is so blah right now. The news. The weather. Work. Responsibility. Adulting.

It’s hard for me to shop for Christmas gifts when it feels like there should still be 3 months until Christmas. This will prove problematic once Christmas rolls around and I have not gotten any shopping done. The closer it gets the more crowded the stores. I hate shopping. I hate shopping in crowded stores even more.

Even listening to Christmas music isn’t fun — I KNOW! This is ME! I generally listen to it in June! But I just skip past each song as it plays. And dude. I have over 24 hours of Christmas music on my phone. And that’s just what’s activated.

Everyone around me is sad, tired, stressed…it’s difficult to find the festive when you’re all so exhausted just trying to make through each day as it comes.

Twenty days until Christmas, hopefully there will be some snow before then and it will help pick up our spirits. I hope so.