i'm darkness and light, bubbles and faerie wings. i am sparkles and glitter, shadows and clouds. i love purple, and faeries, and books, and music.

Ramblings by Category

Ramblings by Year

twelve

july 2 2005

I didn’t write about our tenth anniversary, nor did we really celebrate it much because we were still reeling from the loss of Jinx the summer before. It’s a small thing, but since Jinx entered our lives the day before our wedding, this weekend was all about the Jinxaversary more than ours. He should have been 10 when we celebrated 10 years married. We were sad. We were quiet. We grieved together rather than partied it up for our 10 years together. But what makes that weekend special still is how we both felt the exact same way, and spent it together.

I didn’t write about our eleventh anniversary because, well, I’m not sure exactly? I am guessing that I was not in a particularly great headspace based on the ONE blog post I wrote in July last year. And well, it wasn’t long after that that I came to the realization I needed to leave my job and do something else with my life. I can’t even remember what we did for our anniversary last year. Hmm. I know it rained that Canada Day weekend.

This year though. This year is twelve.

And this is us.

We can’t take a serious photo to save our lives. All those couples who have those sweet, smiling, perfect photos of them together, in frames in their homes. Well… we don’t have that. Because this photo right here? From last night? It’s pretty much us in a nutshell. We’re always goofy together. We laugh. We do silly things. And after 12 years of marriage – a marriage that we never thought we’d have because neither one of us wanted to really get married. Like, we hate weddings. A lot. But we did our own version of one and it was fun.

And it was us.

So very us.

Through everything, and I mean everything, we have been through while together, this has been one heck of a ride. We’ve grown stronger together. We’ve become such a strong team together. Even in the darkest of times we have found humour and laughter. We laugh a lot. A lot.

We are silly, and goofy, and snarky, and judgemental (not at each other, but at everyone else. ha!). We went from living with one dog, to worrying about how we’d live with two (Oh, Jinxy.), to realizing we can’t live withOUT two Lappies, to being adopted by a bitchy, yet loveable (at times), cat. Now we are outnumbered by the four-legged floofs in this house and I think we’re full up. No more. We’re done.

But oddly, our little family of five seems just right for us.

Because every year I think about us, and our lives together, and realized that we have always been US together. We don’t do things like others do them. Are brilliantly different than so many others out there. We have our marriage, and our lives together in our own way. And we are so similar to each other that it works. It works perfectly.

 

We work perfectly.

We fit.

We are so very us.

Happy anniversary to the man who keeps me grounded, safe, strong, laughing, and in love.

nine

On July 2nd, we celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary. It was a rather quiet celebration because we’re dealing with some health issues with our beloved Jinx Puppy.  Blogging about my wonderful husband and our life together took a bit of a backseat during my week off from work as we deal with Jinx and his health.

But it’s been nine years since Shawn and I said our wedding vows (His totally trumped mine. I’ll get him back one day.) and it’s been nine years since Jinxy entered our lives (Best. Wedding. Gift. EVER!). We didn’t do much this year, it’s been a difficult year and we’re just not feeling all that celebratory. Plus, you know, Jinx.

But I love this man with every fibre of my being. There is no end to the laughter that fills our lives, even in the most difficult of times – and believe me, the last couple of years the difficult has been piling up. What tears many others apart, seems to bond us closer together. I know that is one of the luckiest things I could ever hope for in life. We stand stronger together when the going gets tough and tries to take us out. We support each other and have each others’ backs. We don’t let all this foolish negative crap get in the way of our love and our love of each other. We laugh. We joke. We do the best we can with crappy situations and we hold each other up.

I have known Shawn for 15 years and it took me a while to realize that he loved me, and I him. For nine of those fifteen years we have been husband and wife, but those labels really don’t mean as much to us as they do others. What matters most is that we are together. We are a team. We are soulmates.

I could not have gotten through my year of PTSD broken-self misery if Shawn hadn’t been there by my side each and every step of the way. He was the second phone call I made (after 9-1-1) when the guy jumped off the roof and landed almost on top of me. He was the one who took care of me while I was off work on medical leave dealing with all this PTSD crap. He drove me to each therapy appointment and doctor appointment. He went out and got me food or drink from the store when I would have a craving for something and we didn’t have it – and since I was too broken to even feel like eating, he’d get me what I wanted so that I WOULD eat something. All of this he did while being at home himself, because he’d been laid off from work and was job hunting. He was down, I was broken, and together we sat on the couch and watched Scooby Doo episodes on Netflix. We watched cartoons and laughed and he’d cheer me up constantly and once I started feeling better, I’d chatter away aimlessly and I’m sure even though that was annoying, it was helpful to him to have me home as well. When I needed to start venturing out of the house to face the Big Bad World, we’d take weekly trips to brunch, on a weekday when there were fewer people in the restaurant. We had our special brunch together each week – to the point that the wait staff know us now and we don’t always need menus. 😉

We’ve been through layoffs, health issues, loss of dogs who were our hearts, money problems, and more. With each loss we suffer and grieve, but we do so together. And from that inevitably comes laughter. We can’t NOT laugh when we are together. Even now, with the problems we’re facing that are very negative and concerning, and then topped off with Jinx’s serious health mystery, we cry and laugh. There is always a joke around the corner. A smile. A way to ease the pain, while still feeling the pain. We know it’s there, but the laughter keeps us sane and keeps us from crumbling.

This man always manages to make me laugh no matter how dire the situation or how broken I am. I mean, this is how he picked me up at the train station after I came back from visiting Monkey and her husband a week ago:

The number of thoughtful, funny, loving things that this man does for me on a daily basis is astounding. Every single day I am spoiled beyond belief and I always sort of feel like I never do enough in return; that I don’t deserve to be treated as wonderfully and specially as I am treated. Shawn comes up every night when I go to bed to kiss me before I fall asleep. He gets my lunch ready in the morning before work – because I am the most useless morning person in the universe. He makes sure I leave the house wearing pants (ha! Again, useless morning person here. Hi.) He’ll occasionally surprise me with my favourite home cooked meal of roast beef, mashed potatoes, and gravy – and he doesn’t even LIKE roast beef. He’ll make me a cake with butter cream icing to cheer me up. He’s just so full of thoughtfulness and love that I feel like I’m dreaming sometimes. Even with all the crap that’s going on in our lives, making some days feel like they weigh billions of tons, he loves me and he shows me that love in every action.

We laugh. We live. We stand together. We love. And I can’t wait to celebrate another year, and another, and another – to infinity –  with him.

For all of forever. I will love you, Shawn, and you, me.


For all of forever.

Always.

eight

Oh, how time flies. Eight years married. Fourteen years of knowing each other. Ups and downs but always together and always stronger because of the other. I can do anything with this man by my side. I can survive traumatic events. I can find the courage to run (even if he just walks the dogs behind me.) I can laugh. I can cry. I can be myself every second of the day and never feel bad about that. We can survive job loss and strikes and more job loss. We can pick each other up when we’re down and make ourselves laugh at little things and at nothing. But we laugh. We laugh so often and so loud.

We’re super sensitive and we both get rather down at times, but thankfully it doesn’t happen at the same time (too often) and we can both manage to coax a smile and laugh out of the other even then. Things don’t always seem to be easy for us and there’s always some new sort of crap that life tends to throw in our faces just as we think we are getting the hang of things, but we over come each and every crappy thing and stand stronger at the other end of it. It’s tiring though but we just hang out together in our home and close out the rest of the world for a while. We don’t always need to be out hanging with other people and socializing when we’re feeling tired and worn out. But we DO need each other. We will spend as much time together as possible, even if one of us might have to take a day off to do it. When that jumper guy landed in front of me in the spring, Shawn walked me to and from work the next day since I was adamant that I needed to go in to the office (I should have stayed home, I think, but at the time, I needed to do that. But he would have stayed home with me if I chose to stay home. He would have protected me from the panic attacks and nightmares as he did when I WAS home. I slept better once he came to bed. As soon as he was up stairs I knew I was safe.

We are rarely serious when we’re together. We don’t get into fights, though we do argue, but it’s never loud and yelly and heated. We disagree so rarely it’s sort of a surprise when we do. Most of the time we giggle like school kids and giggle at the silliest, and at times inappropriate things. We share the same sense of humour and sense of sarcasm. He’s way funnier than I am though. It’s one of the few things I let him be better than me at. 😉

Tonight we spent our anniversary at home rather than heading into town and the Old Port. I guess we’re getting old because the thought of driving through construction and traffic and then spending forever trying to find a parking place and then having to walk forever to get to the restaurant, just wasn’t all that appealing to us anymore. So we stayed home. Dragged our old, broken (and VERY heavy) BBQ through the house to the front yard in hopes that someone would claim it for scrap metal (they did!). We got dressed in fancier clothes and headed 9 minutes away to our new favourite place for dinner – an authentic Mexican restaurant called Tamales. It has such wonderful food. We splurged and got a bottle of wine (only because I could NOT get a single glass of Rosee wine.) and ate in a place that was pretty much just US the entire time. Some people left a few minutes after we got there and it was empty afterwards. The server (and his small daughter) waited on us like we were royalty. I joked with Shawn that it was nice of him to call ahead and book the entire place just for us on our anniversary. What more could a girl want? (We even left the little girl a tip for being so helpful and great at bringing us plates and water. ;))

This wasn’t our fanciest anniversary and it wasn’t flashy or exciting, but it was exactly what we wanted and needed this year. We just wanted to spend quiet time together and relax. It’s what we did and we are both perfectly content with that.

I think we had a fine Pookaversary. Eight years and counting. I love you.

tuesday night, a love story

Best Halloween costume purchases I think my husband has ever made. I will better collage the photos from Tuesday night and print out the photo and hang it in my home, I think.

Isn’t this how everyone spends their Tuesday nights?

how you know you married right

Because I didn’t sleep the first part of this weekend, I of course slept until 10am today, totally throwing off my day. I had to whip up a stew for the crockpot and realized I was out of chicken breast! Oh no! So my wonderful husband zoomed off to the store to pick some up (by then I decided I wanted turkey breast, not chicken). After he’d be gone a while, I forgot I wanted to ask him to pick up Advil, too. For some reason my entire body hurts so much, my back is the worst, it feels like it’s burning. But then I realized he’d been gone too long, so he was probably on his way home. Also, he wouldn’t have gone to the store with the pharmacy in it.

Then I realized I hadn’t turned my ringer back on, so I went over to the phone, turned on the ringer and went back to chopping up veggies for the stew.

Less than a minute after I put my phone down, it rang.

It was Shawn. He was calling about the quality of the turkey breast he was finding. I mentioned about how I was just deciding not to call him because I wanted Advil. He said he’d pick it up. I told him not to drive all over tarnation.

Turns out because he accidentally turned the wrong way going to the closer store, he was at the farther store with the pharmacy in it.

Sometimes we’re so telepathically connected it amazes me. He called just when I was thinking about calling him AND he was at he store I needed him to be at which was a total fluke.

So now I have my crockpot stew cooking and I am happily medicated in hopes that this horrible pain wil go away. Now I can get to the studying and cleaning.

I love my husband. He’s perfect for me.