• the anomaly that is me

    stronger roots

    Fourteen years ago today, our apartment was on fire. Seven years ago today a man jumped off a building and landed at my feet. On Monday it will be thirteen years since we picked up the keys to this, our first (bought) home. As of Wednesday we officially have an Ontario address, and by the end of April our first home will be passed over to its new owners, and over the course of the month, we’ll be moving slightly West to our new (temporary) home. That’s a lot, huh? And yeah, I focus on numbers way too much. Or maybe not enough. And I won’t lie, because I focus…

  • the anomaly that is me

    different struggles for different muggles

    These are sort of crazy times right now, amirite? But for me (well, us), they are pretty normal. Having been off work for a few months, and also being socially anxious and introverted, staying home every day is the dream. The total dream. The hard part, for us, is LEAVING the house to DO things. We aren’t fans. The more I stay home, the more difficult I find it to force myself to leave the house. We do groceries online (not right now though because I don’t want my food to arrive two weeks from when I need it), we order take-out online, we do whatever we can online to…

  • the anomaly that is me

    44

    Let’s see if this post makes it past the draft stage in a reasonable amount of time, shall we? Since the first of the month I have three other posts, all in draft mode, in various states of unfinished. But I want to get my birthday post up before a decade goes by. Otherwise the title of this post will be irrelevant. I suppose I am officially in my mid-forties now. I’m not sure how this happened. I mean, I know how it happened because of time passage and stuff, but I feel like I blinked between being so excited about turning 18 and then suddenly, I’m closer to being…

  • the anomaly that is me,  year in review

    the year – no – the decade that defeated me

    copyright cjh beyondelsewhere 2019

    I’m so tired. I am tired of scary health issues, injuries, sadness, bad luck. I am tired of treading water over and over every day, fighting to keep my head above that water. The water never stops pouring in. And yeah, this sounds overdramatic and tragic. But I have to tell you, it’s all I can feel. The years in this decade have just piled on more, and more crap. This last year wasn’t much better than the one before, or the one before that. It never ends. I used to be a hopeful, and optimistic person. I had this naive hopeful outlook for the future. Bad things happen, but…

  • memories,  the anomaly that is me

    about last september

    It’s a year today that my father passed away. I never did write about any of this, and I kept meaning to. But I still have thank you cards to send out to those who came to the funeral, or sent sympathy, and honestly? I haven’t been able to do any of that. We’ve had our full Year of Firsts. First Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first birthday, first wedding anniversary, first father’s day. First of a lot of things. Sometimes I catch myself holding in a breath and thinking, “oh my god, my dad’s gone”. It hits at weird times. I don’t remember much about last September. I pretty much lost…