diary of a non-jogger

diary of a non-jogger – first run of 2014

1.35 km out of 1.92 km

February always makes you feel like winter will never end. The warm(er), sunny days are few and far between, so when you find yourself gifted with a rare perfect, winter’s day, you need to take advantage of it! I will admit that I haven’t been taking advantage of the nice days as much as I should have. I haven’t been doing so great with the PTSD thing and I recently returned to work and that hasn’t gone well at all. I only worked three days last week and I ended up a huge mess.  I was supposed to go into work for 4 days this coming week, but I’ve worked it out so that I’m only going to be working 2 days. Even those two days are filling me with dread but I’m going to do the best I can.

I was such a mess last week that I didn’t even go to my fitness class on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. I have been hiding in my house, sleeping through the days and trying to occupy my brain with anything and everything that wasn’t what I was supposed to think about. Even school work has been too overwhelming but I gave myself yesterday a free pass on my work and hunkered down today.

The call of the sunshine was a little too loud this afternoon though, so I took a break half-way through my module (adjectives before lunch, adverbs after!) and laced up my runners for the first time this year. I haven’t been out for a run since November 16th and before that, mid-September. I have been feeling the urge to go out but I am too chicken to run on ice and snow. Today the streets are clear and I needed help to get out some of the pent-up anxiety so off I went!

My goal was to see what I could do before I needed to take a break and although I didn’t make it a full kilometre before I had to stop (darn!) I did run for a full 7 minutes which is a personal best! When I stopped I met up with Shawn and the dogs and walked for a bit until we reached the spot I stopped running. I started running again from there and made it home (with one 15 second walk stop)! I was quite proud of myself!

I might start the Couch to 5k program again as the spring makes its way into my life, but I might just try shorter distances (like my almost 2km route) and see how long it takes before I can run the entire thing without having to walk. I can build up endurance from there. This year I think I was to focus less on the distance and focus more on my endurance. This is the first time I have run this much without feeling like I wanted to die. I think if I give myself smaller distance goals I will feel more like I am accomplishing something as I reach them (because I WILL reach them!)

I’m just enjoying the feeling I get from running and exercising and I am becoming some strange Fitness Girl version of myself. It’s helping my anxiety and I really hope that eventually it’ll help when my PTSD gets too overwhelming. I’m now working on trying to make myself healthy both physically and mentally and that’s something that makes me happy these days.

Meanwhile, for my first run in 2014 (and my first ever winter run!) I’m pretty happy with how it went!


  • Sammy

    Totally the truth on the February wintery-weather factor… I actually can’t wait until it ends. Not to complain here, because I love the winter and the snow, but I would much rather have spring arrive early than anything right now 🙂 It’s actually sunny out AND snowing like a son-of-a-gun today. New England. *Shrugs*

    Love, you sound just like I’ve been feeling the past few weeks. I’ve been a hermit living in my pajamas and sweats (that’s not a bad thing, either, but just sayin’), hiding away from everyone and everything. Slowly been climbing out of this hole I’ve dug myself into, though. One step at a time, like your friend about me said… that’s all you can do without rushing yourself out because rushing can be too overwhelming sometimes. I’m so proud of you, as well, too! 😀 You can do this, especially now that you’re back into exercising and it’s occupying your mind!

%d bloggers like this: