the anomaly that is me

different struggles for different muggles

These are sort of crazy times right now, amirite?

But for me (well, us), they are pretty normal. Having been off work for a few months, and also being socially anxious and introverted, staying home every day is the dream. The total dream.

The hard part, for us, is LEAVING the house to DO things. We aren’t fans.

The more I stay home, the more difficult I find it to force myself to leave the house. We do groceries online (not right now though because I don’t want my food to arrive two weeks from when I need it), we order take-out online, we do whatever we can online to avoid phone calls, or people. I love being home “doing nothing”. I fill my days with naps, reading, naps, art, naps…etc. And right now, we also add in packing so we can move. (Which is scheduled in April, so timing is just WONDERFUL.)

When I am not working my health improves. My chronic migraines and other pain, go away. My stomach issues go away. My exhaustion goes away. But I do get anxious when I need to leave the house for any reason. And then without the work income, the mental health stress is worse. Because you need to pay your bills, right?

Winning the lottery hasn’t worked out for me yet. But by golly, if that ever happens we will become full-time recluses. For real. The only outside I’d encounter would be on my own property so I can garden and sit outside on a swing and read books, or paint.

Of course these days, with the lockdowns and self-isolating going on, the difficulty is that when I do leave the house, I have to try and get groceries. Or not touch anything when we travel to our (soon-to-be) new hometown. Trying to buy bread, flour, or eggs, is proving to be impossible. Forget toilet paper. This pandemic has turned the world upside-down, and turned a lot of people into greedier, more selfish, bastards.. I am trying to be the one who does the groceries because of the heal risks to my wonderful husband. We’ve been married just shy of 15 years, and I’m not ready to get rid of him yet. (HA!)

I am trying not to panic too much about everything going on, but it’s obviously on my mind because sleeping isn’t really a thing that’s happening (I have been trying to nap, but that doesn’t work either! What a waste of being home with nap time available!!!!) This is a rotten week for me anyhow since the 27th is the anniversary of both my trauma from 2013, and the house fire of 2006. I am feeling a little extra paranoid about everything, even though I know it’s not logical. But mental health isn’t always a fan of logic.

We have a place to rent for a year as of April 1, and we have a move scheduled for mid-month, with a few trips ahead of time to get things ready. But who knows what’s going on now. And finding jobs will be even more difficult because everything is closed, and shut down. But it will work out. This isn’t going to be the new normal, it will however prepare us all for what could happen in the future. That is unless the people running your country, or city, or whatever are total #covidiots.

I will get through this, as I have gotten through everything else that life has thrown at me so far. And best of all, I don’t have to leave my house!! (Yes, I know this is difficult for so many people, but honestly, this is my dream.)

Hang in there, internet. We’re Apart-Together. We can send love and encouragement to our friends and family, and this is a great time to remember that it’s always so important to make sure the people you love and appreciate are loved and appreciated.

Stay strong. Apart-Together.

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