This was five years ago today:
The sun was shining, it was hot, but not too hot, but hot enough that I still worshiped whomever created air conditioning. We were surrounded by family and friends and there was so much love. Family and friends who traveled from far away places like Gaspe, North Bay, Toronto, Boston, Texas and California (not to mention the West Island and South Shore!).
It was a brilliantly wonderful day. There were dogs, there were cupcakes, there was laughter.
Shawn and I never thought we would get married. All it meant to us was a piece of paper and it could never fill our hearts with more than we already had. I’m not sure when that changed and why we suddenly found ourselves engaged and planning a wedding. We’re notorious for our hatred of weddings. But there we were. We wanted a wedding our way and made sure that it reflected us as much as it celebrated the union of two people. We weren’t going to get married if the act itself meant nothing to us.
Today, I see the rings on my finger and sigh contentedly almost every time. If I have to take them off for any reason (hospital tests, surgery, etc) I feel naked. Empty. Alone. I know it’s just a symbol, but it’s a symbol that means something TO ME. My engagement ring is ME, it’s not bling or yellow gold and HUGE BIGASS LOOK AT ME DIAMOND. It’s simple and colourful. The wedding band is titanium. We’re not flashy people. We’re simple and we flaunt that simplicity in our own way.
I cannot imagine my life without Shawn. Not once, not ever. The thought of never seeing him again for any reason starts a full-blown panic attack. Even my being away from him for a week in May while in New York was hard. I know, its sappy, but I couldn’t call him and not being able to speak with him for a week was very difficult.
Just driving to the grocery store together makes me so happy. Little things like that always have been comfortable and so full of love. Sitting together in the same room, on different laptops might seem odd to some but to us it’s the act of being near each other that’s important as we do our own independent things. We’ll call each other over and discuss something we read, or hold up the computer to show a photo that will make us laugh, or awww. Just being close is safety and contentedness.
We didn’t celebrate Canada Day the way we used to this year. We didn’t celebrate our anniversary as much as we normally do this year either. But we were together. We went out to pick up our mail at the Canada Post warehouse and then off to renew prescriptions and then off to the pharmacy to pick up the passport that wasn’t delivered to the warehouse, but the slip saying we had a parcel was (again!) and then we went to BestBuy and picked up LEGO Harry Potter with the BestBuy reward certificates we had accumulated and then, we came home and played LEGO Harry Potter until it was time to leave for dinner at The Keg in Old Montreal. For the last bunch of years we’d eat in the Old Port at Pub Saint Paul on the 2nd of July and it became tradition. This year, thanks to gift cards from my in-laws, we stepped it up a notch and had dinner and then walked briefly around the Old Port realizing there’s really nothing much of interest to us there anymore. It’s sort of sad. The magic that we felt over Canada Day weekend in the Old Port 10 years ago wasn’t there anymore. We’re old and jaded and have found more important things to do with our time together. Not, more important, rather, different. We’re evolving and we’re doing it together.
Our desires, our likes, our loves, our loathes… they are changing but they are still changing together, even after all of these years. It’s why we work. We work because we are on the same path and have been for a very long time.
My grandparents would have celebrated their 69th wedding anniversary on the 12th of this month had they still been alive. I want that. They are the couple I hold most in regard. They changed and evolved and followed the same path together for 70 years when my grandfather passed away. That is rare and a blessing. I want to follow in their footsteps and with Shawn, I know that is possible. We might not live that long, but as long as we do live, we’re on the right path.
He’ll always hold my heart as I hold his.
And this is us today: