If I have learned any lessons in my life, the one I have really held on to has been this:
You need to be happy in life.
The last four years have certainly cemented this lesson into my brain. Life is too short to settle for something that makes you unhappy. And life is too short, and important, to worry about what others might think about your happiness.
The handful of you who might still read this blog have known me for a while. Heck, this blog was started 11 years ago, and I have been blogging for 14 years. You know I am easily amused, I am very emotional, I love colour and magical whimsical things. It’s almost impossible for me to hide that I am amused by something.
It’s who I am.
I have my dark, negative moments. But in public? Around people? At work? I am bubbles. I joke. I emote. I can be loud, I can be snarky. But I love to make people happy. That makes me happy.
After my trauma thing, I started surrounding myself with colour. My cubicle at work had a space cleared, and christened “My Happy Place”.
The little plushies, and figurines I had in that space were a rainbow of colour and happiness. I needed it. The office itself was all grey, black, and white. Besides my wardrobe and hair, nothing much else was colourful. Everything around me seemed dark. And that was difficult to work with.
I started filling my house with colour. My craft room was created. It’s full of things that make me happy.
For years my favourite colour has been purple. I have always hated the colours orange and yellow. And then I noticed I kept migrating towards things that were bright, and sunshiny. I would pick yellow over another colour when I would pick up an article of clothing. What? But it was a happy feeling that came over me as I looked at all the colours.
When I am not passionate about something, or not happy, I wilt. I fizzle out. And finally, I knew I needed to change something. So I took that scary step and quit my job.
Living a happy life isn’t a life of easy decisions. It’s extremely not easy to quit a stable, secure job and venture off into the unknown. I was certain I was crazy and having some sort of breakdown.
At my current job? Happiness is surround sound. I love what I am doing, where I work, and the people I spend my days with. I love all the new books, and products, and kids things. Someone commented one day, “you really enjoy everything about life, don’t you?” when I was super happy about a kid’s sunhat that we received. (And I wore. And then I bought. Because I am me.)
And it made me think.
Yes. Yes I do enjoy everything about my life. Not that I enjoy everything IN my life. There are frustrations, and there is sadness, and there are many things that are not enjoyable. But I do make sure to enjoy things about my life. I enjoy finding JOY around me. I enjoy joy. I enjoy celebrating what makes me happy.
And this? Even when things are doom and gloom, means that in a little way I always have a piece of sunshine with me because I can find joy in little things. Small things. Big things.
I am enchanted by kid’s novels, and toys, and items.
I am surrounded by love of family, and truly amazing friends.
Spending time with those people makes me so happy I feel like my heart might burst.
I enjoy being in love with my husband. And spending time together making each other laugh. We laugh a lot.
I love to laugh.
I love things that make me laugh.
I enjoy silly things. I enjoy strange things. I enjoy simple things.
I enjoy putting things on my head. That’s been something I’ve done since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. Bows, hats, bags, ears, you name it. I like it on my head.
I enjoy sparkly shoes, and sparkly sunglasses. Heck, if it’s got glitter in any way, I will have to own it.
I love watching my animals do silly, and strange things.
It’s not easy to find something to make you happy every day, but I make sure I do. I don’t try, I just leave myself open to it. I am sacrificing things like financial security (in a way), and a full-time job with tons of vacation, so I can be truly 100% happy in a job I chose, instead of a job I was only settling for.
Sometimes you have to change things up, make scary decisions, and hold your breath while you jump into the unknown because you know that you need to be happy. If you’re not happy, then you’re not really going to be living your life. You’re mostly just going to ride along as a passenger. And that’s not the best thing for everyone. When you’re happy, others will be happy around you. It’s contagious.
But it’s not easy. It’s scary. But I think it’s worth every second of fear of the unknown (trust me, years of panic attacks and anxiety have kept me from so many decisions that I would have preferred to have made). I did this. I chose happiness. I chose to live a life that makes ME happy. This from a girl whose parents were convinced would never move out of her bedroom in their house.
I am happy. Being happy can require courage to choose that happiness. Find your courage, find your happiness. Don’t worry if people don’t get it. Many think I am insane to have left the job I left and chose to work in retail. Many think it’s a step backwards, and not an important job like the one I left. Pffft. Jobs are jobs. Why work in one you aren’t enjoying because people think it’s important? No thank you. That’s not for me.
I am happy where I am right now. I am happy with who I am again. I love making other people happy. Happy, happy, happy. Life.