diary of a non-jogger,  the anomaly that is me

if the shoe fits

One shoe, two shoe. Old shoe, new shoe.

Well, I guess it’s official. I am going to keep on keeping on with this running business. Before I spent any money on running paraphernalia I wanted to make sure this wasn’t just something I was going to try and then abandon after a few half-hearted attempts. But I spent money today, so it’s like, a real thing. I am going to be a runner.

And although I don’t go out nearly as often as I think I should. I have continued to lace-up and hit the pavement every month in hopes to progress a little bit farther than I had the last time I was out. I continue to consider all days that aren’t over 25C days that are, “good running days” and then become slightly mad at myself if I am not actually out there running. Or walk-running as I actually do. I have been out enough that my 2-year old Brooks are wearing through their soles. Granted they are two years old and I bought them while on strike so I’d have something comfortable to walk in a circle for 3 hours day in (let’s not talk about that anymore, shall we?). And in the last two years, there were a couple of actual half-hearted attempts at trying to jog in there, but I didn’t wear the shoes often enough to wear them down much.

However since the last week of March? I can now feel rocks and other little things through the bottom of my shoes WHILE WALKING. That made me take a look at them and realize how much I have worn them down in the last 5 months. But new running shoes are expensive. New running shoes are hard to pick out for me. I loved the cushion and support that my Brooks Adrenaline GTS had, but they were a little heavy. And I know that I tried on three different brand of shoes that day – including some awesome purple ones! – but I chose these because they felt the best on my feet. And they were. I have been able to run without foot pain which I never thought possible. They were great for high-arched feet like mine. But the latest edition of them didn’t feel fantastic when I tried them on. So I went to the Running Room and had them show me other shoes that were similar to what I had and what I needed. Only, it’s hard to find tiny feet shoes. The first RR I went to didn’t have any size 6’s* in stock except for one brand of Asics. Those felt weirdly tight and the last thing I want is for more pinching on my right foot to make it fall asleep while running.

So I took photos of the other shoes and decided to take a look at the RR closer to home and see what I could try on. Again, not all the shoes were in my size and although I was partial to some sort of Gel-type Asics, they were almost falling off my feet. So the woman suggested I try some shoes in the junior section. I was worried they would be too fragile for a heavier adult (with tiny feet) but I was surprised by how “normal” they felt. The first pair I was given were too narrow and although one foot felt ok, the other was pleading with me to try something else. So I asked about two other pairs and only one came in my size.

As soon as I put the first one on? I knew. This was going to be my shoe. I put both on and pranced around the store to see how supportive and cushioned they were and how solid they felt. I didn’t want to buy a pair of shoes that I’ll destroy in a month because I’m a 37 (and a half!) year old woman who isn’t 80 pounds. 😉 But they felt very similar to my Brooks.

Bonus: They are PURPLE. Oh, that made me so happy!

Super Bonus: They were less than half the price of the adult shoes (seriously!) and so I was able to look at the running shorts and get a new belt for water (go, go, Fuelbelt!)

I have now invested money into this crazy venture and not just my time. So I will make sure to continue with it. I am still unable to run even ONE kilometer after five months, but I am getting there. And I will, eventually, make 5km. My goal of being able to do a 5km at Disney World in October isn’t going to happen this year (unless miracles happen between now and then) but I will get a 5km in eventually. I seem to poop out at the 4km mark even with the walk/run training, so it’s very slow going. But I am determined and am actually enjoying the challenge this is giving me.

I honestly never, ever, thought this would be possible. Or a real thing. Childhood, teenage and 20-something-year old me would never have imagined in million years that I would want to run. And enjoy it when I do. Those past Me’s would have bet ALL of their money against this. And I’d be so poor right now because I just proved myself wrong.

These items all represent me now. It’s mind-blowing. Reading & running.

I am still not able to come out and say, “I am a runner” because I don’t quite feel that way yet. I know people say that I am a runner because I actually go out and DO the training and RUN, even if it’s ever so slightly. But until I can run for more than 3 minutes (twice in a row) and can reach at least that kilometre mark, I won’t feel comfortable calling myself a runner. It feels like a lie right now. I know it won’t always feel this way, so I know that I will be able to call myself a runner one day. Just not yet. I’m a beginner. That will work for me for the time being.

will be a runner. I need to start accepting this as fact. It’s the path my life has decided to follow. I have invested money on running paraphernalia and I will run. Although I’m not entirely certain what to do when winter descends upon us. I don’t quite see myself as a Running in the Snow & Ice sort of runner yet. Baby steps.

*Depending on how the shoe is made I can often wear anything from a kid’s size 3 to an adult size 6. My Brooks were a 6 and fit me perfectly. The other size 6’s I tried on today were too loose on my feet. It is so difficult trying to find shoes for me. Good grief.


  • sassymonkey

    You ARE a runner. Tell the voice in your head that is telling you it’s a lie to shut the hell up. You run. You are a runner. You don’t have to run a specific length of time or distance to be a runner. Because if you continue to listen to that voice it will tell you after you hit 3 minutes, “Yeah, but you can’t do FIVE minutes.” And then 10 minutes. And then it will be, “Ok, but you run a 5k. Real runners run 10k. Or a half-marathon. Or runners run marathon.”

    You’re a runner. Own it.

  • Amanda

    Glad you found some good ones!

    Honestly, I still don’t call myself a runner. I don’t think I have the runner mentality, or something. Recently, with training 3-4x/week (though I’m skipping this week), I feel more like a runner, but I still feel like a fraud saying it.