my muse,  the anomaly that is me

inspire me

Where do you find inspiration?

Is it in the sky? On the ground? The people around you?

Do you look at a sunset and it takes your breath away?

Do you listen to the trees and hear the stories they whisper to the air?

Do you spend your days with your head in the clouds, watching them slowly change shape and create something new with each wisp of the wind?

Do you draw your inspiration from friends and strangers? People watch and create their stories in your mind?

Do you ever wonder what the stories are behind windows and doors? Watch people in their cars as they drive by and wonder, are they happy? Do they hurt? Is there joy or sadness?

What inspires you?

I have a folder in my feed reader titled “Inspiration”. I started it when I wasn’t sure where to fit some of the blogs I was reading occasionally that filled me with a sense of wonder. These occasional haunts weren’t quite right for the “Random” folder I had set up. There was something different about these blogs, something brighter.

My Inspiration folder has a variety of subjects within it. Writing, running, fashion, crafting. Not all of the blogs within that folder are subject-specific, but they have something about them that fills me with… something. Feeling. Ideas. Dreams? I can scroll through the unread posts in that folder and get something from them that helps me take another breath, encourages me to go forward. Makes me feel like I can accomplish things.

One of the worst things for me about having worked in an office admin job for so long is the lack of creativity. I feel dull and heavy so often. There isn’t as much room to really create in that environment. There’s not much room for inspiration. I can cover my space in colours, stars and glitter only so much and it helps. But the space outside of that is still cold and grey. The work isn’t colourful and full of life. At first I could still come home and feel like creating and singing and drawing and just doing something artistic, but now? All of these years have chipped away at the core of me and I find it more and more difficult to tap into that space within. The space that needs nurturing and attention.

And I become restless and cranky. My body electric. Anxious. Out of tune.

But this summer I found that I was able to capture that little spark once in a while and fan it just enough to occasionally ignite the fire within. As I have been running (so weird to even say that) I find I become inspired to do MORE once I am back home. I am removing the dull, grey film from my soul while out there and suddenly I am finding cracks of light shining through. As I remove the stress of the day and the anxieties from this year, it’s like I am cleaning smudges from old windows and letting the sun through. Flowers will bloom and grass will grow and maybe I’ll feel more like myself again.

I read through my Inspiration folder and I find others like me. I find I am dreaming once more. Not as many nightmares but more hopeful, happy dreams. I will create. I will write. I will sing. (I will learn how to use Garage Band on this macbook and possibly record some of my songs? Maybe?)

I am now carrying around my paper journal, despite how heavy my bag has become. (Much to the chagrin of my shoulder.) I am writing with pen and paper more often and that is helping me almost as much as the running. School starts again in a week and even though I am only taking one course a semester, that course is forcing me to CREATE as I hand in assignments and projects. This semester will be all about sales & marketing for book publishers – which is what I want to eventually transition to career-wise – and it will be a lot of work (I am sure) and I will doubt myself (because that’s how I do school) and in the end, I will look back at what I created and what I learned and I will feel much more inspired about things.

So to those bloggers who write blogs that inspire me. Thank you. I will continue to have my soul sigh at a beautiful sunset. I will continue to doodle in my paper agenda. I will doodle and spit out words in purple, pink and green ink in my journal and I will blog and run and try to find some sort of creative outlet in my dull, grey job.

I will always look for something new to inspire me. I want you to inspire me. Of course, you already do.

2 Comments

  • Sammy

    Oh, this entry is just so inspiring! It really is. I love the pictures of the sunsets, there’s just something so inspiring to me about sunsets, the sky, the warmth of the colors splashed together. It’s like a real-life painting in front of your face, and you embrace it by soaking it all in with the smile on your face.

    This folder you made for inspiration sounds super awesome!! I want to make something like that, it might just keep me intact, and chase my anxiety away. I’m interested in seeing what you doodle in this journal, could you ever put any of it up on your blog? Or is it private? I love doodling away and decorating journals (speaking of, I need a new one!). You inspire me to keep going on weight loss! The little bit of discovering of others who are working at the same goals goes a long way, love. 😉

    Oh, I changed my blog URL, by the way!

  • Mishka

    I find that exercising washes away the dull for me too and I do find that I have more enthusiasm for knocking out tasks the more often I exercise. I try to make time in my day to be creative in whatever way I can find/afford/imagine. Right now, I am working on handstitching around some applique on a friendship quilt I have had for years and not finished, writing in my paper journal more, blogging/writing in general more, and doing interesting things with my photos.

    Working in the yard has also become an inspiring and theraputic thing for me and I am enjoying my time with it.

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