remembering – 2015 edition

erin walker 1977-1994

erin walker :: august 6, 1977 – october 23, 1994

when i close my eyes

she’s too young to be forgotten
her world has only just begun
her future is an empty slate
waiting to be filled
and i see her
standing there
when i close my eyes

dancing in the sky
over moonbeams, around clouds
starlight in her eyes
angels in her hair
and i see her
when i close my eyes

child of the sunlight
daughter of the day
sleeping on bed of roses
with flowers in her hair

the wind it softly kissed her cheek
the raindrops fell like tears

and i see her
when i close my eyes

a thousand white candles
their flames dancing with the air
as rocks play tag with ocean

she’s fast asleep
never to be woken

and i see her
when i close my eyes

© catherine healy
October 23, 1994


In 1994, I was 18.

As of tomorrow, I’ll be 3 months away from my 40th birthday.

Something about today was nagging at me. I couldn’t believe that October had vanished in the blink of an eye. I don’t even remember it starting (likely because I was out cold with a flu and fever the first two days of this month).

Today we went out to lunch with a friend who had worked her last day at her current job, and was about to start a new job next week. She’ll be working at a stable, with horses, on the South Shore.

When I got back to my desk, and half way through a task it hit me. Today (and tomorrow) is the 21st anniversary of losing one of my best friends, and her mother because of a car accident. They were on their way home from a riding lesson – horses, south shore, and October.

I often feel like I’m still 18. It’s difficult for me to get my head around the fact that I’ll be turning 40. Having worked in a school environment for so long has added to that baffling concept I am sure. I still think of time in form of semesters.

I will never be 18 again, but Erin will always remain 17. Twenty-one years separates us now. That’s old enough to drink the US. That’s considered adult. An entire lifetime has happened in the years between the accident and today.  It’s mind boggling.

I will always miss Erin, and her mother, Heather. Though I think I have let go of the anger that I carried with me for so long. I think this because I don’t watch the calendar for these two days to approach in October anymore. Now the anniversary sneaks up on me and I remember, fondly, the times we had together. Back then those years felt like forever together, only now am I realizing that more time has passed since the accident than the amount of time we knew each other.

But as always, I remember. And I will always honour that remembrance with this post.


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