various & sundry

roll with it, yo

You’ve come far, and though you’re far from the end
You don’t mind where you are, cause you know where you’ve been
Carbon Leaf

So, October is upon us. Anyone that has known me for a while will know how much I love October. (You might have guessed that based on my previous post as well, if you were clever enough to catch my hint.)

I am going to try and be a little more positive this coming month. I am tired of the despair I am in and I am tired of being kicked while I am down. The issue with the landlord has hopefully come to an end, albeit a sucky one. Despite his being complete illegal in everything he did, by our laws and whatnot he still gets away with it and we’re out of a place to live. If we were to open a file and sue him it would take at least 2 years to go to court and we’d be paying all the costs and the judge might not grant us enough to even cover what we paid. Let alone we’d still need somewhere to live for the next two years. I am totally bitter and pissed off that he can get away with this and nothing will happen to him, but what choice do we have. We came to an agreement and what little we got out of it is going into the savings acount and towards a downpayment on buying our own home.

Because that’s what our next step is. I am so finished with landlords and renting. I am so over being screwed by the landlord for their own selfish purposes. We can’t afford a house yet, so we’re looking at condos. And still, it’ll be another few months before we can even step into a bank and look into getting approved for a mortgage. I am not thrilled about the idea of staying here any longer and I am tired of the heat always being on. But whatever. Suck it up and deal, right? However many more months here is that many more months we can just save our money. So I will suffer in silence.

But you know what? Even though we’ve had a rough go of it the last couple of years, I have found one thing remains constant – how much love I have for Shawn. Each trial we struggle through, every battle we fight, we’ve been together. And the more time I spend with him the more I love him. I love doing everything with that guy, be it waiting in line to talk to someone at the rental board, or driving to meet the bad guy or just holding each other in support after the fire. No matter what the daunting task is before me as long as I am with Shawn it’s nowhere near as awful as it could be and through it all, I remain happy and sane.

Yeah, that’s a big pile o’ mush, but it’s true. There has been a lot of horrible stuff happening to us but even with our unluckyness we are extremely lucky. No one was ever hurt. No one got lost. We have each other, our dogs and our family. We are very lucky. Yes, we’re techinically homeless, but we’ll have a place to stay as long as we need one where we are.

I need to focus more on that than all that other crap. It’s hard. And I don’t want to get my hopes up that we’ll be approved for a mortgage and get a great home right away, because I am too used to having my hopes crushed in the blink of an eye. But we’ll see what happens and I’ll take it a day at a time.

So, welcome to my Halloween Blog, and welcome to October. And welcome to hope and seeing the glass as half full.


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