i'm darkness and light, bubbles and faerie wings. i am sparkles and glitter, shadows and clouds. i love purple, and faeries, and books, and music.

Ramblings by Category

Ramblings by Year

christmas 2016

Pookmas 2016

We certainly had snow for Christmas this year. Not like last year. And after a rather rough year, we managed to have one of the best Christmases I can think of. Stockings were full, and there were more gifts under the tree than I thought we’d have. And as always, Shawn won Christmas yet again with the best gift ever.

The Little Girl Who Lost Her Name

Every year Shawn manages to give me one gift that makes me cry, or at least tear up. He’s made me photo frames, and cards, and thoughtful gifts, but this one is hands down the one that hit my heart the hardest.

Once in a while silly little ads on social media sites work. In this case it was something Shawn saw (and I saw, too, actually only not this particular title) and thought it fit me. It fits. So well.

It’s no secret that I have been struggling since March 2013. And maybe even a little before then, but certainly since the trauma things have been a mess. As much as I have worked hard to put myself back together again, I was still feeling slightly broken, and very lost. Just the cover of this story made my breath catch. The title. The purple. The little girl with dark hair and polkadots.

Then I opened it. And the second page stopped me in my tracks.

follow the rainbow

A magic rainbow trail.

Seriously. When this entire year I have been surrounding myself with as many colours of the rainbow as I could. In a year when I felt like everything around me was grey and I was desperate for those rainbow moments. This little girl, with the lost name, found a magic rainbow trail that she had to follow.

Me.

So much me.

And on the story goes as the little girl meets random animals, and magical creatures, whom she helps with their problems, and in return they each give her a letter in hopes to help her find her name. Words like courageous, and splendid, and spellbound, are tossed around. And with each page my eyes grew even more teary.

And in the end…

I am who I am.

The girl who lost her name, finds it again and falls asleep wrapped in that magic rainbow.

And I cried. And I hugged my husband tight. And I cried. And I pick up this book and hug it every day. Because this story, this book, this gift… it was all so apt. So perfect for everything I have been going through and feeling since the start of this year.

– – – – –

Our tree wasn’t up as long as it normally is, and will come down this weekend. Our house isn’t as decorated as it has been in the past. I didn’t listen to Christmas music on repeat for a month (instead I shuffled my entire music library and had the Christmas tunes appear at random). I wasn’t feeling un-Christmassy, but I wasn’t feeling as overtly festive as I normally do. This was a quiet, and simple Christmas. I am working in retail now, and at the moment am not exhausted by it. It was nice to be out of the house during a time I’d normally be sitting on the couch dreading going back to the office once the holidays were over.

One year I’ll win Christmas with a gift that makes Shawn’s heart sing. He always outdoes me. He won with wedding vows, too.┬áDammit. Never thought I’d be out-sentimentaled on a continuous basis. It’s a good thing I love him. heh