• the anomaly that is me

    loss & lost

    there are a multitudeof words and emotionscrashing around inside my headand heart none want to escape theirdark, swirly, hideawaysand find themselves on paperor screen. these days I see nothing butmemoriesof who lived within each boxof 28, 30, or 31 daysI know it’s just a matter of perceptiona glass half empty / half fullsort of filter when I look at the calendarbut right now, all I see are empty spaceswhere family, friends, pets, and loved onesused to be this date used to celebrate that personthat date used to celebrate this personempty boxes that represent empty spacesin my heart, and in the world. and six years ago today, when my life changedfor better or for worse(who knows)perceptions changed, priorities changed.but I’m still not sure howor what I want to change I have been wandering, lost.through a maze of possibilitiesuncertainty trailing behind me like a shadowwhat I thought I needed, wasn’t what I neededwhat I thought was the right path, turned out to be a dead endand somehow, I am back at the startall over againor, maybe not.maybe it’s a new direction, from the same entrance, but with differentpossibilities and goals to achievemaybe it’s not the same start, but a new one Still.I look at those empty boxes on the calendarand all I see is lossa birthday that is now a memorya deathday that reminds me, yet again, of the empty spaceeach loved one, human or animal,now has two empty boxes within 365 dayssometimes moreand I have lost so much time myselfbecause of…