memories,  the anomaly that is me,  year in review

that time when i do that thing where i look back at the last 12 months

I have been going through all my December wrap up posts and have noticed a theme – I have had a lot of sucky years in a row. I used to be really good at finding the positive and having hope that there will be a bright side coming our way, but I have to say I’ve lost that ability and it makes me sad. Even through all of the negative there is always positive and that positive is more and more close to what really matters in life – the love of my husband, family and friends. All those little things that often get overlooked because you’re spending too much time fretting over the ones that don’t matter – money, objects that can be replaced, work, name brands, all that stuff.

What I have learned over the last few years is that Shawn and I just get stronger together. Our love grows with each challenge tossed our way. It doesn’t shrink or vanish. What we have is real and it’s been tried and tested so many times that I’m pretty secure thinking that it won’t ever end.

The one thing that had the biggest impact on me this year was the loss of Annabelly. I have had and lost dogs that I loved before, but to this day I still get moments where I am hit with such an overwhelming sense of sadness I can’t breathe. We even have two dogs in the house now, and we weren’t very long with only one before Sophie joined us but it’s not the same. Annie was, I guess, my soul animal. I still find it difficult to believe that she’s gone. I miss her so much.

I haven’t listed my memories by month the last two years but I feel like doing it again. Here we go!

January (6 posts)

  • I didn’t blog much, apparently

  • finally painted the bedroom so that I could sleep without the nightmares the cigarette orange walls were giving me (it worked, too!)
  • turned 35

February (7 posts)

  • we lost Annabelly
  • still not blogging much, but February was pretty much focused around Annie

March (9 posts)

  • sort of wondering why I even kept the blog since I still wasn’t blogging much 😉
  • we found a dog (because that’s what we do in March)
  • Shawn turned 34
  • I finally had an official “diagnosis” of fibromyalgia
  • we canceled cable because we just weren’t watching tv & wanted to save money

April (12 posts)

  • getting better at this blogging thing finally
  • my parents put their house up for sale!
  • I thought I might try to start jogging. HAHAHAHAH! Yeah, that didn’t work.
  • I started practicing driving again FULL SWING!
  • we drove to Michigan where I got the worst food poisoning ever AND
  • we got Sophie!!

May (7 posts)

  • jumped the gun thinking I got better at blogging last month
  • had my first ever cavity 🙁
  • pretty much just wrote about Sophie and posted many dog photos

June (5 posts)

  • I think this is my worst blogging year ever
  • one of my favourite friends got married & it made us happy
  • Shawn started a new job! Things were looking up!

July (10 posts)

  • married for 6 years ?
  • began an obsession with my tomato plant, resulting in many photos 😉
  • failed my first driving test & felt like a loser at life
  • stopped taking birth control pill to see if it effected my pain (didn’t then did)
  • realized I had lost my whimsy 🙁
  • accidentally killed Shawn’s macbook but discovered that Apple has awesome customer service

August (3 posts)

  • apparently August wasn’t all that interesting?
  • tomato plant obsession continued
  • stupid union voted to go on stupid strike though we were hoping it wouldn’t come to that

September (13 posts)

  • my pain (fibro) which was getting worse since June finally incapacitates me & my dr put me on sick leave, which I was torn about, but happily took. Shawn had to help me exist because everything hurt so bad.
  • went full-out purple (with pink) hair! Figured since I was off work, I might as well try it out.
  • PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!! *throws confetti*
  • started watching tv again (online – legally!) because I was in too much pain to even hold a book
  • started cooking, or trying to, discovered obsession with Clean Eating magazine

October (15 posts)

  • did not put up any Halloween decorations because I have lost my whimsy 🙁
  • still on sick leave
  • discovered Revenge & have watched it religiously ever since. Going to marry Nolan Ross.
  • did a lot of cooking, which upon reflecting back on this now makes me realize I need to actually get BACK to cooking!

November (11 posts – ha! 11 posts on the 11th month. I like that!)

  • no money, no morale, no health, no hope (at least it felt that way)
  • did a lot of thinking about who I am and what I want to do with my life
  • sick leave ended, strike did NOT , therefore back on the picket line I go!
  • realized how bad my health was before sick leave when I was able to actually walk 4 hours a day and not collapse after
  • our blasted driveway was dug up again! GAH!

December (11 posts counting this one)

  • mood so bad it took me almost a week into the month to put out my Christmas decorations
  • STRIKE FINALLY ENDED! Woot! December 6th we were back at work!
  • I still suck at blogging, but at least we got a Finnegan Christmas video up, right?
  • my parents sold their house!! (I didn’t blog about this, but it happened just recently!)
  • read 140 books!

And that about sums up my year. I continued to Do Things to the best of my ability and I seem to have given up having hope that things will ever get better (I don’t mean that to sound as dire as it does), I’m a little more cynical and jaded than I was at the start of the year, but I’m also stronger and I have different – better – priorities now.

I will survive 2012 (assuming the Mayans are wrong about the end of the world thing) and I will chronicle all the things that happen to be as I normally do. Hopefully I will blog more, I sort of sucked at that this year. I have plans for things that I want to do but I shall not worry too much if the plans fall through.

Mostly, I just want to take 2012 one day at time and cherish each thing that happens as it happens. I think that makes the best sort of year I could possibly have. As long as I have Shawn & the dogs, my family and my dearest friends around me, that’s pretty much all I need.

Happy New Year to you my dear reader(s). See you in 2012!

One Comment

  • envoyette

    Our years were very much the same. Crappy & sick. I know how it feels to give up. I’m there. I don’t know- you think we’ll get better? Should we allow ourselves one month of a pity party and then try to snap out of it? Right now- I hate the world. It’s going to be a long year if I carry that banner. But geez…enough is enough of the bad luck! Year after frick’in year! What say you Cat?
    Should we combine our will to look at the positive?

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