the anomaly that is me

the colour of healing

I don’t know if I’ll be back at work next week or not. Personally, I don’t think I should be, but I guess that’s up to the doctor to decide. I’m still not sleeping and having stupid panic attacks all the time. I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m manic, I’m exhausted. But I have an appointment tomorrow, and we’ll see what’s what. Also, it’s 5pm and the sun is still out. Time change this weekend, which always makes me tired (will I even notice a difference?) which means MORE light at the end of the day. I like that.

Meanwhile, in my random manic moments, I am channeling that energy into finally making myself a craft room area. We took the single bed out of the room (which was really only used to hold JUNK), and cleared out a ton of other stuff, and now I have a space to create the way I want.

And right now, I want to be surrounded by blues and teals. This is odd, because I generally do not like blue. But blue is calling to me right now. I mentioned on facebook that I hope I still like blue/teal when this current ptsd set-back is over, because I’m ALL IN right now. Paint, decor, etc.

Clearing out the junk took a while. Because… JUNK.

But once it was all cleared out, I could put my new desk together (that Shawn got me for Christmas), and take my sewing machine out of the box (which my in-laws got me for Christmas). It was nice to have space.

I could have started working on stuff then, but oh, no! Manic Cat needed MORE. I needed to paint. A specific colour. I needed shelves. (Shelves, in this house, are sadly lacking. But we never felt like spending money on them.) I repurposed a shelf that was in the basement holding books (those books are stashed elsewhere for the moment), and I repurposed some mugs I never use, but didn’t want to get rid of, for supplies.

But I still needed more. I swear this time off from work is going to make me broke. So I went out and bought paint. And started painting. Short bursts of painting. Most of a wall a day. Yoshi is helping.

You can’t really tell from the photos, but the blue is a bright teal-ish sort of happy blue. And right now, that’s what I want to be surrounded by. I am going to paint one wall white (the wall with the window), and I’m thinking of looking into a shimmery paint for that. Sort of like mother of pearl, or something.

The top parts aren’t done yet, but I don’t want to climb ladders while I am home alone. I’m not sleeping, I’m (occasionally) taking anti-anxiety medication that makes me very dopey, and I am just not all that steady on my feet right now. So I’ll do the climbing parts at the end, or this weekend, while Shawn is around. I also need help moving that one big bookcase with the books on it. So he’ll be enlisted to help with that, too. He just doesn’t know that yet. (Hi, husband!! *waves*)

I bought some little book-box things as well to keep crafting supplies in (i.e. WASHI TAPE!), they have the same colours as my mood lately. Blue, teal, light purple… I will use those colours to surround myself in this room.

I will eventually teach myself to sew. Right now I’m working on knitting. I need to make some cards, too. Of course I have nothing to SIT on for my new desk, so I’ll be getting a stability ball for that. I like to bounce on one of those as I think. I also sort of have a lot of junk still ON the desk, with not much of an idea of where to put it. I’m guessing a rubbermaid container and shoved in another room will be the solution there. (Which is sort of how this particular room ended up being a junk room. Bright side – we got rid of a lot of garbage, and have bags of stuff to donate now!)

I’m still looking for two pieces of furniture for the room – one is a little cart with drawers so I can keep all my stickers in one place, and the other is a shelf that is cubed, that you can put baskets in. (Like this!) And lastly, I want to make a pegboard to hang up supplies, etc. Similar to the one on this blog.

Oh! I also picked up decals for my walls. (I am tossing between words, or polka dots, not sure.)

I wanted the words “Dream. Imagine. Create.” on my walls, but I can’t find imagine or create. So, I am contemplating a way of painting the text onto my walls. I just need to figure out how to make the template I want. I have an idea that I don’t know if it will work, so if it does – I’ll post about it. If it doesn’t – I’ll paint over it. 😉

Right now I am healing the only way I know how. Quiet, in my head, surrounded by imagination and blue.

Create. Dream. Heal.


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