annie,  life with dogs

woulda coulda shoulda

Today would have been Annie’s 13th birthday. I realize I never did a post last Monday for Jinx’s 6th birthday, but life got a little overwhelming and I forgot. Less time blogging and more time spending with Shawn and Jinx in real life. I guess that’s the best thing to do.

I miss Annie so much. So, so, so very much. It hurts like hell and I can’t stop thinking it shouldn’t hurt this much for a dog. I have lost my  favourite Aunt/Godmother, Grandfather, Grandmother all in a row. I lost my best friend and her mother when I was only 18. I have suffered loss, terrible loss. And yet I can’t seem to shake my sadness over losing my Annabelle.

We woke up to this huge snowstorm this morning. A snowstorm that was cancelled yesterday by Environment Canada (way to go there). I have been sick most of the weekend and I was feeling down and like crap and then we heard the weather and looked outside and I just knew I had to call in sick. I was so overwhelmed by everything and shivering and no voice, I stayed home.

Shawn said, “Well, crap!” (only he might have said something stronger than crap) “Of course there’s a snowstorm! It’s Annie’s birthday!” And it made sense. Annie loved the snow. So much so that she would turn into a puppy in her enthusiasm for romping through the drifts and eating it all up. This is a dog who didn’t play with anything. Not a thing. But put some snow on the ground and she was in paradise. She would have loved this storm. Whereas we might not have been all that thrilled to get 30cm (66cm in the Easter Townships from what I was told by a friend) Annie would have been beside herself with joy. Wagging tail, bounding through the yard. Yes, even in her old age, she was still agile and puppy lovey with the snow.

Today’s weather was in her honour. I know that deep down. Ok, I could have done without the most major or storms we’ve had ALL season in my town in MARCH, but we went for a walk when the sun was setting and romped through the snow drifts for Annie.

I miss her like crazy. There’s such an emptiness inside me that I can’t shake. I feel like there should be more important things to grieve over and that I shouldn’t been this hurt over her passing. But I am. I can’t help it.

I miss my Annabelly so much that I forget to breathe sometimes. I want this feeling to be over.


  • Jammie J.

    No. No, you don’t. You want your Annie back, because that’s the only thing that would truly make the empty feeling go away. I know. I’ve been there emotionally.

    So what you do is, you pay tribute to your sweet puppy for as many times as you need to. Even if it’s every single day for the next 20 years. You take your time to grieve. But also love on Jinx and your sweet husband. It won’t fix it, but it will transfer some of the stores of love you have for
    Annie so that it doesn’t just build up with nowhere to go.

    I’m so sorry that you’re hurting. 🙁

  • Mummy

    Animals don’t judge, they just love, unconditionally. Annie was your special animal/friend/baby. This loss has left a big hole in your heart. It does not make the loss easier because she was a dog. Actually, in many ways it makes it harder. Some day, thinking of the lovely memories will bring you joy but it takes time, lots of time. Take all the time you need and take comfort by remembering how happy Annie was with you. She had a good home with loving parents and a brother, living in a area that had snow half of the year! Bonus!
    Love you.

  • Calamity

    Oh Cat, I’m so sorry. I haven’t had a chance to read your blog (or any blog) in a while and I didn’t know about Annie until now. It’s hard, so dreadfully, awfully hard, to lose a pet. You will get better but it will take time. You provided a wonderful home for Annie and hopefully you can take comfort in that.

  • maja

    Pets are part of the family so therefore they are people. It’s perfectly reasonable that you miss Annie so much, she was one of your best friends! I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s so sad. I still think and dream about our family’s cat, Puss, and he died 10 years ago now. I hope the other stuff gets better, but it’s okay to always be sad about losing Annie.

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