monday madness

I'm not one of those people specifically hates Monday. I will happily hate whatever day of the week I have to wake up and go to work on. Mondays do not have the sole monopoly on bad days, but sometimes they can get a little crazy.

Did you know that Monday, July 22 was a full moon?

I did. So really, none of the crap that happened yesterday came as much surprise, but I did find myself thinking that this Monday was particularly Monday-ish.

The morning was comfortable temperature-wise and as I was standing at the bus stop, sleepily awaiting the bus I noticed a small dog come around the corner, cross the street and meander across laws while peeing on every dandelion and shrubbery in its path. In fact, one particular clump of dandelions must have really caught his attention because he peed on them about 5 times.

Since the bus was about to come speeding down the street, I knew I couldn't run after the dog, and I was pretty sure it belonged to a house three doors down from us (and on another street!) I called Shawn and asked him to come out and try and corral the pooch and bring it home. Of course as Shawn came around the corner and headed towards the little scruff of a dog, the dog took off and ran out into the street and nonchalantly walked around me (as I tried to grab him) and then the bus came. So Shawn walked after the dog, I got on the bus, the bus waited at the corner for someone running for it and when we turned the corner...

There was Shawn standing at the end of the block in a stare-down... with a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SMALL DOG!

This one ALMOST got hit by the bus. The driver stopped just in time as this Schnauzer thing bolted out into the street. The passengers on the bus let out a collective GASP and the dog ran back to the sidewalk.

Holy cow was my heart pounding. I was terrified that the dog was hit (I have been in a car that's hit a dog before and had nightmares for months about that). The dog - at that time - was unscathed. But I got a text from Shawn that said "He won't let me near him." And I wrote back, "That's a totally different dog! What the hell is going on in our neighbourhood!?"

Shawn eventually went back home (and made sure both of OUR dogs were still inside) and wasn't able to catch either of the small dogs. One had a collar with tags and the other, nothing. Hopefully they found their way home.

Then, still on the bus, we were on our way to the autoparc before crossing the bridge into town and at the intersection by Loblaws we slowed down. I looked up to see why and was greeted by the sight of the most horrific car accident that *I* have ever seen. The sedan was crushed, upside down, trunk open, roof off to the side and...I just couldn't look any more. It was after ambulances had left (I believe, based on how much space was roped off by the cops) but I already felt my body reacting as I was texting Shawn. I think had I been on my regular bus (I was 30 minutes later than usual) I'd have seen way more that would have made my reaction worse.

Throughout the day my anxiety grew. Obviously that crash, coupled with the story I saw on the news the day before about a skydiving student in Toronto whose parachute did not open (OMG!!) triggered my PTSD from the jumper guy in March. As much as I tried to breathe deeply and focus on other things, my panic attack was worsening. I ended up working through lunch and leaving early because I just couldn't type. My hands were shaking so much and I couldn't take more than 3 bites of food all day because my stomach was churning so strongly. Even breathing was difficult.

Shawn met me at the parking lot near the autoparc so he could drive us home - and we stopped and picked up McDonald's because I didn't know what to eat, but I knew the salt would help. I don't know. It just does. When I got home, I was surprised by a lovely bouquet of flowers which Shawn got me to help me feel better. They smell so good, too!

My stupid body was shaking and so anxious so late in the evening I ended up sucking it up and taking one of the ativan that I was prescribed back in March after the Incident. I didn't use many of them back then and I have been content just knowing I had the bottle in my bad in case of emergency. I wouldn't take it at work because it knocks me the heck out, but by 7pm I caved in and took one.

Then we found out that my father-in-law had fallen at work (a tiny 15 feet from the ground - but is relatively ok) and it just added to my DAY.

I was so happy when the day was over. I fell into bed a little after 9pm and let the ativan finally do it's job. I wasn't sure if I would be able to sleep though because often, as my panic attacks are wont to do, everything gets WORSE once the lights are out. I guess my brain was more than ready to turn off and forget this day ever happened because I was asleep pretty quick (for me) and don't really remember Shawn and the dogs coming to bed later on. (Although I have a vague recollection of getting up to go to the bathroom when they arrived).

Today the PTSD anxiety is at a manageable level - sleeping helped. Although I do have some other reasons right now to be high anxiety and I would just very much like some GOOD news to happen and happen soon.

I just keep whispering over and over, "NanaPoppopAnnabellyKewpieLadyAuntyKathy" and invoking their spirits to send some good and happy news our way. Over and over. It's my mantra that I am whispering into the world in hopes that these spirits will watch over us and bring the GOOD. And bring it SOON.

But, yeah. Monday was pretty mad this week.  Full moons and Mondays don't really mix.

(By the by, there was a full moon on March 27 when the jumper landed in front of me, too. Full moons in 2013 are messing shit up, yo.)