Yesterday marked one year since the passing of my grandfather. It seems so strange that it's been a year already. So much has gone on since then. Even just this week, a year ago today, was crazy. We had a bizarre heat wave, with the humidex reaching almost 100 degrees, we had strange storms with scary water tornado things. We were fighting with Sears about our air conditioner. It was miserable out, we lost power for almost 4 days due to the storm. I dreamt my grandfather died at the exact same time he was rushing to the hospital only to pass on 36 hours later.And yet, two weeks before his passing, we celebrated Mother's Day at my sister's house (where I fell and broke my toe!). But either way... my grandparents were there. Together. Alive.

Ok, so perhaps my grandmother wasn't looking at the camera, but trust me! They were happy and laughing and alive.Hard to believe that 22 days after this photo was snapped, my grandfather was gone.And 11 months after this photo was snapped, my grandmother was gone as well.Last year, when I was looking through my father's photos (from which, by the way, I stole the above) sometime after June 5 and came across the Mother's Day shots I remember feeling like my heart had stopped. I even had this quick intake of breath when I saw my Poppop in the photos. It was only a month or so later, but it hit me then. I remember crying for the first time about him not being here anymore. It was strange. I mean, I knew he was gone, but to see a photo from so recent where it didn't look like he was about to go anywhere! It hit hard.The same thing happened to me yesterday when I was browsing my father's photo site again. I was looking for photos of New Brunswick, because I know he takes a ton of photos (ha) and happened to notice there were new family photos I had not looked at yet.And there was my grandmother. In January. Laughing at the camera surrounded by nieces and nephews who had come to visit. I got that same tightness in my chest and had that gasp of air again. She looked so healthy and Nana-like. She didn't look wasted away to nothing and in pain like when I saw her in the hospital 6 weeks later before her surgery.Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of losing half of my grandparents and here a year later, I have lost both.At the time I was ok with everything. I mean they were old (96 and 91) and had long, wonderful lives. I knew it would be strange without having them at dinners and events, but I am finding it more difficult than I thought I was going to.Maybe it's because my parents are away right now. I don't have my mother to call. And when they went away I would phone my grandparents. I don't have that now. And after my dental appointments, I would stop by their apartment and visit because they just lived down the street. I couldn't do that this year. There was no one to visit.It's hard. I have this strange emptiness inside that I can't quite get a handle on.I know this is a rather bummer of a post, but everything seems to be bubbling up right now. I miss my parents. :) And I do know it'll get better. I just needed to get this stuff out.