the doctor touched me and i cried

Sounds bad, huh? Of course when those words came out of my mouth, I didn't realize how it sounded, I was just stating the truth. If I were younger people could laugh and say "oh, from the mouths of babes".What I meant of course, is that when I went to my rheumatology appointment this morning, and the doctor did that thing where he touches me all over my body (that still doesn't sound right!)) to see where and what is hurting, I hurt so much that tears just started falling.I have had a good run on the pills I have been taking in regards to managing my pain, however around June this pain got worse. Worse, still, when I stopped birth control. The pain is to the point that nothing is comfortable. Not standing, sitting or lying down. This is how it was before I started seeing the specialist. Even he said "We were having such success with the amitryptaline!" And we were. No one is more disappointed than I am. It's my body - head to tow - that feels bruised and swollen every day. Even sleeping with memory foam on the bed, it's just too painful.I had been looking forward to today's appointment for some time now. I spoke with my boss in August about how thankful I was I had it coming up. The falling over type exhaustion that was making me both dizzy and nauseous until I closed my eyes and passed out for an hour or so. The pain that shot through my body while sitting at the desk forcing me to take many more breaks than normal to stretch and hope that was enough to get me through the day. The Advil popping. Ugh.Cut to this stupid, irritating strike. The pain I am in regularly was of course augmented by the physical aspect of the picket line. Being told you can't sit and you have to walk the entire time or you won't get paid (bullies everywhere, people) kept me feeling too guilty when I sat more than 5 minutes an hour. Yes, I could have worked in the office, but I still have pain sitting down and just getting around in general. It was getting bad regardless, apparently stress is a huge factor in auto-immune issues. I can't handle everything. Work was stressful enough the past 4 months because of missing staff in my office (my supervisor), I needed to hold down the fort and desperately needed time to recoup when things were back to normal. Only things didn't get back to normal. I had to go on stupid strike where the added stress of money and not being able to get work done for my boss on top of the walking around was just too much.Mentally and physically I knew a fall out was coming.And it came today in the form of an 8 week medical leave from my specialist. I have to start new medication (Lyrica) to see if that gets the pain and system back in check. If I were just sitting in the office I think I could manage both - the meds and healing - because I would only have work stress to bother me and although it is stressful I can handle it. I have understanding bosses.What I can't do is heal and deal with the strike.So I am on leave for 2 months. I am both relieved about this and guilty (abandoning my friends - not the union - but my friends). I am also newly stressed because there is conflicting information regarding how or WHEN I get paid. One side says you get paid when the strike ends and the other says the employer should cover the leave even when on strike. I don't even know who to believe any more. I have sent an email to those that should be able to answer me, but as of yet (in the last 4 hours) I have heard nothing. Obviously I would like this confirmed NOW because I need to know where my next pay check is coming from.So I am on sick leave and on strike and in a lot of pain and in monetary limbo.I have had better Septembers, in case you were wondering. Also, it's getting very difficult to keep trying to find a bright side.