As I sit here, still wondering if my employer will approve my sick leave (warning: do not ever go on sick leave if you happen to be on strike. They say it'll be business as usual for the sick leave but it's really, really not) I'm finding myself sinking deeper and deeper into despair. It's not just the fact that I have no idea how or when or if I'll get paid. It's the pain.This pain is stupid.I am home, for the first time not worried about what I am missing at work and yet I can't DO anything. I hurt too much. When you're home this long and semi-incapacitated like I am you start to notice things. You notice how horribly messy your house is and yet you can't do a thing about it because you are in too much pain.There is fur, dust and clutter everywhere. I am not exaggerating either. There's no way I'd ever have anyone over right now because I am honestly embarrassed by the state of my home. Bathrooms need to be cleaned, the clothes that have been strewn all over the guest room need to be folded and put away. Mostly it was winter stuff that was left out to be stored for the summer, then the summer got to hot and too busy and nothing happened. Now there's summer stuff on top of the winter stuff and one morning I was so frustrated by not being able to find an article of clothing I just went crazy and threw all the clothes around.Yeah. That happened.And it's a mess. But I can't do anything about it.Oh, I could probably fold one or two items before my arms and back started hurting, but I'd have to stand, which I can't do because of my feet and legs. Ugh.I have a mental list of everything I want to make Shawn clean over the long weekend. heh Of course I won't do that because he's been busy and exhausted at work, so of course he needs time to unwind.I sort of wish I was just home because I was on strike and I didn't need the strike pay. Then I'd have all the time in the world to clean. Sadly, I am just home trying to fit in stretches when I don't hurt too much because I am supposed to get decent exercise in order to help combat the pain - BUT IT HURTS TOO MUCH TO DO! Gah!I am also bored.Bored out of my mind.I spend a lot of time surfing the web while sitting or lying down. The web is boring. Seriously. I'm in a reading funk. Nothing is capturing my attention. There are two problems there 1) sometimes it hurts too much to hold a book and b) sometimes I am in too much pain to really focus on what I am reading since I am spending so much time trying to get comfortable.Argh.Being in pain is a pain!I did have a couple of better days this week and made "fancy" dinners. (fancy = I cooked) Last night wasn't one of those nights and Shawn didn't leave the office until 7pm so we just ended up with McDonalds when I picked him up at the autopark. (Driving by myself is still really strange and I don't think I like it very much). I wasn't going to wait around while Shawn was stuck at the autopark for 40 minutes waiting for the bus. I did make him drive once I picked him up though because I really wasn't feeling great. I have no idea what we're going to do for dinner tonight. Friday is always a late at work day, so I don't expect Shawn home until after 7pm again. I think I might have done too much on my "good" days because yesterday and today my body is cranky.I think the new medication is starting to work. I hope so because I am tired of being in pain for no reason. There will still be no reason for the pain if the meds work, but at least I won't be feeling the pain so I won't notice it.I am so frustrated by so many things right now. I need a vacation. (Because staying at home, being in constant pain through your entire body while stressing over your work situation isn't a vacation. Don't ever think it is.) I need to go somewhere and feel better and not worry about anything (read: money). I want to go far, far away and just be able to have fun every day.This took me forever to write because my hands and wrists are sore.I am happy this is a long weekend and I'll get to spend time with Shawn (not just telling him what to clean ;)). I'm super lonely at home. At the same time, I don't really want to be dealing with people. :PThings should get better soon, right? I really think it's about time.