through the thorns, to the stars

There's not a whole lot in 2017 that I feel I need to look back upon. I'm not the only one who felt it was kind of a bummer of a year, but...2017 was an interesting year for me. It was a year I needed. To reset myself. The first year in a long time that I didn't work in an office, instead I went back into retail.I needed that reset in my life, but I'm ready to move on again. I feel more centred, confident, less willing to take crap, and ready to tackle new challenges.2017 didn't end on a high note. All things considered it could have been worse. It wasn't. I am thankful.I made decisions this past year that made things better for me. I distanced myself from many things that were drowning me in negativity. I am on social media a lot less than I was. I barely even check twitter. I understand that people have strong opinions about things, especially political, but I chose to block a lot of that out. The world is becoming a little too toxic. You may choose to crusade one way, but I choose a different path.I spent more time in my craft room this year than I have in the past. Part of this was because I had more time to do so. Part of it was because the crafting helped me in many ways.I am not hopeful, or rather, full of hope, going into  2018. If I'm being honest I think I lost the ability to be  hopeful years ago. I know that sounds sad, but it's true. Hope just manages to get you high enough to hurt more when you are let down.I feel mostly anxious and uncertain as this year begins. I know I want change, but I don't know what I want to change. I do feel like there is a lot of change to come this year. I am tired of feeling trapped, so this year I want to shake things up and make sure that change does happen.Work-wise, I don't particularly want to go back to what I was doing (though I miss the people very much), and I know I am ready to move on from where I am now. Finding a happy-medium in the workforce will be difficult. But I'm ready. I will look. I will try new things.I want to create more this year as well. I started learning  watercolour painting in November and made all my christmas cards. They aren't perfect, but I loved every second of that painting. I want to draw and write more, so I started a bullet journal so I can draw my own planner every week. And add colour, or illustrations as I please.I want to run a 5k this year. FOR REAL. I don't know when the snow will go away  (I am thinking, late April)  but this year I am feeling ready for this. I have been dreaming about it. Once I dream things repeatedly I know I am ready for it.I am in this forever search for happiness. There is a lot in my life that makes me happy, but I want that happiness to spread into every part of my life.I had my year off; a year I so desperately needed. I am reset. I am ready to ignite and restart.I am going to make 2018 into a year I want it to be. It won't be easy. It might be very messy, but I want to come out of this year knowing that I didn't just settle because I had to. There are things I want to happen this year, and I will do my best to make sure they do.I am 23 days away from turning 42  and I am ready to start this new 365 day story. Let's do this.

per aspera ad astra- through the thorns, to the stars