i'm darkness and light, bubbles and faerie wings.
i am sparkles and glitter, shadows and clouds.
i love purple, and faeries, and books, and music.

Ramblings by Category

Ramblings by Year

national poetry writing month (napowrimo)

you might think

a poem

is an easy thing

just some words

on different lines

word after word after word

some of them rhyme

some of the time

sometimes

 

……….there

 

……………are

 

……………….long

 

…………………..pauses

between them

 

ortheycanbereadallinonebreath

 

a poem is painted

thoughts illustrated with letters

 

it can be cryptic;

hidden messages about the one that got away

who still haunts your heart,

or at least your dreams

 

it can be literal, or mean nothing at all

but words on paper can heal, ignite, or wound

releasing the words from inside your head

can be the difference between sleep and worry

a poem can be a lot of things

easy or hard

the choice is yours

 

© cjh
april 7, 2018

 

 

 

lots of things, and nothing at all

I really don’t want to schedule myself time to blog because I know that as soon as I set a schedule I’ll never follow it. I am great with schedules and deadlines when it comes to work, but when it comes to my own personal stuff it’s the easiest way for me to ignore what I am supposed to be doing completely.

For a person who doesn’t think herself spontaneous I much prefer to be spontaneous about things like creativity. I like to do things when I feel inspired to do them. If I set up time for me to create…nothing happens.

I realized the decline of my blog is due to the ease of which I can post small snippets of life, with a photo, through instagram. It’s easier than logging into my blog dashboard, editing a photo in another program, and then using a third program to upload said photo, and then writing about it all here. I know I can add photos directly through wordpress, but then they aren’t saved in my extremely well-organized files on my server. I also happen to really love the filters I can use on IG, even if my love of IG has been slowly fizzling out since facebook bought them and ruined the platform. (I JUST WANT MY INFORMATION IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER, FACEBOOK. *shakes fist in consternation*)

I could always blog here without photos, but that’s boring. (to me) Besides I’m way more of a visual person and like to include something that’s photo-y.

I’m going through something right now and I don’t know what it is, but I know its going on because I keep making life changes. I quit working at the bookstore, I am back at my old place of employment twice a week helping out for a while. That’s certainly not a permanent thing because I quit there once, and I know I don’t want to be back there full-time. I am in this annoying perma-funk sadness phase. I am unhappy with so much right now and I am doing the best I can to figure it out.  I am trying to do art stuff more. I am enjoying my bullet journalling thing. We’re entering month 4 and I am still keeping up with it. It’s must less restrictive than the planner I used to use. I eventually retired all of the different agendas I was using and now stick with the journal full-time.

There is a little part of me that breaks down each time I abandon a semi-full agenda though. It’s up there with not finishing a book. It feels wrong. I am trying to let go of these types of hang ups though. There’s way more in life to be upset about than not finishing an agenda through to the end of the year. (But still.. all those pages wasted. The money spent. Ugh.)

I have discovered I love watercolour painting. I have been experimenting with this medium a lot lately. Mostly small, messy things. I did make something for a friend for her birthday, but I haven’t mailed it yet. The birthday was over a month ago, so.

I am trying to fill my newly free time with productive things. Cleaning the house (goodbye clutter!), practising art (painting, drawing), reading (that is productive in a way), and I am determined to be out there jogging again. I started back up in February when we had an early thaw, but that was derailed once March got too cold. I do not have the right clothing to run in cold weather and I am really not out there often enough to merit buying a whole new wardrobe. If I become a regular jogger this summer then I will invest, for now I’d rather not.

I had planned to run today, April 1. No, not a joke. But it’s still 2C (feels like -3C) and that’s just too cold for my body to handle. Per my facebook memories, I have started running again on April 1 almost every year. Funny that. Maybe that’s why I drop off the plan, my brain thinks I am playing a prank. Though this month in my journal I have added running to my habits to track and I plan on trying to get out TWICE a week. I rebooted my Runkeeper training plan (for the second time this year) and have it set to remind me to go out twice a week. It’s SUPPOSED to be 7C today and if it does hit 5 or over I will force myself out. I end up enjoying the run but the cold is too hard on my body and then I HURT a lot. Not hurt from running, different hurt. And I don’t feel like dealing with that.

I have some stuff going on this month that may or may not help me climb out of this funk. At the very least this stuff will involve friends I do not see often and that will be helpful to my mood. There’s also some stuff this month I am not looking forward to, but I’ll cross those bridges when they appear.

There is this constant struggle to figure out what I want. What makes me happy.  How is is possible to do what makes me happy AND actually be able to pay the bills without it being a struggle. And what exactly is it that I think makes me happy. Can I be happy? Is that feasible? What do I want in my life right now? So many questions. I have learned very well that health & happiness are a joint thing when it comes to myself. I need to find a balance there. I need to figure all this out. How can one be happy AND financially stable? And still have a work/life balance that doesn’t drain you or burn you out.

Being a grown-up is annoying. Being a kid was annoying, too. I don’t want to go backwards.

So I’ll continue to use this extra time I am lucky to have to figure shit out. I will paint, draw, write, read, clean, apply for jobs (ugh), and reflect. Hopefully I will come to some sort of conclusion that makes sense. because I am tired of things not making sense.

FairyLoot Unboxing – March 2018

Well, hey! I had so many other ideas for blog posts but I never got around to writing them. I’m torn, to be honest. I used to love blogging, and I think I still do, only I feel like I use instagram way more to quickly blog/photo blog, that I rarely open up the dashboard here to write anything. Hmm. I had wanted to write so many more things. But here we are a month after my last video post, with another one. And nothing in between.

So if you’re here to watch my video – enjoy! If you want to see photos of my dogs, cat, and bullet journal, just follow me on instagram while I try to figure out my blogging future. 🙂

This was the Second Anniversary of FairyLoot and the box was purple! Yay! And it had a lot of food-themed items inside it.

Fairy Loot Unboxing – February 2018

Sub-title: In which I record a video of myself geeking out over a book box subscription box as I open it.

This is a thing all the young people do. Really. It’s fun to watch. I made one myself. I like getting fun stuff in the mail. Even if I have to pay for it myself. 😉

 

 

So, FairyLoot is a book box subscription service out of the UK. It’s  YA Fantasy-themed box, which is totally up my alley. I told my husband he was getting me a three month subscription for my birthday – because the first box I got arrived just around my birthday. I took photos of the box o’ goodies last month. I’ll find those photos somewhere on my hard drive, though if you follow me on IG you’ll have seen them already. 🙂

what i read: january 2018

I did a lot of reading this month. I have surprised myself with the number of books I read in January. I haven’t read like this in a long time. It’s nice to enjoy reading again. I have no idea if this amount of reading will continue through the year, but I’ve happily carved out a good chunk of my goal of 50 books read in 2018. 😉

I read a lot of suspence/mystery this month. I go through phases in what I like to read, and it’s been a while since I had a mystery/suspense phase. It’s been nice!

Total number of books read in January 2018: 14!

Picture Book (3-5)

Chewie and the Porgs – Kevin Shinick, Fiona Hsieh (Illustrations)

Middle Grade (9-12)

Goth Girl and the Sinister Symphony (Goth Girl #4) – Chris Riddell

Ghost of a Chance (100 Dresses #2) – Susan Maupin Schmid

The Serpent’s Secret (Kiranmala and the Kingdom Beyond #1) – Sayantani DasGupta

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Book 1) – J.K. Rowling (re-reading the series this year!)

Young Adult (12+)

Ready Player One – Ernest Cline (also Sci-Fi-ish)

A Line in the Dark – Malinda Lo (also suspense)

Fiction

The Witches of New York – Ami McKay

The Perfect Nanny – Leïla Slimani (also suspense…SOOOOO GOOD!!)

The Alice Network – Kate Quinn

 

Mystery/Suspense

Pretty Girls – Karin Slaughter (AMAZING!!)

The Good Daughter – Karin Slaughter

Beyond Reach (Grant County #6) – Karin Slaughter

All the Missing Girls – Megan Miranda