Ballads of Suburbia

Ballads of Suburbiaby Stephanie KuehnertI should probably wait to write this review until the story has finished seeping into my every pore, but I can't. There is something so exposed and raw about how I am feeling having finished this book I know I have to try and put some of this into words while I am riding the high (no pun intended) of the novel.I was a goody-two-shoes growing up. Heck, I still am. But in high school I was a good girl, never wanted to step out of the lines, shy, anxious and always worried about doing the right thing. Those kids that smoked cigarettes, wore Doc Martins, listened to "alternative" music and just looked bad ass? They terrified me. I kid you not.  I was scared of them like no tomorrow, yet I secretly really wanted to wear cargo pants and Docs. I have never once tried a cigarette, possibly because my parents smoked and I am allergic to smoke and I think they stink to high heavens. I have been drunk twice in my life, both when I was 28. TWENTY-EIGHT! And the first time was a total accident (I might have unknowingly drank an entire 750ml bottle of Jameson's by myself. I am not joking. I thought I was going to DIE. Never again, boyo, never again.)That fear of the grunge/punk/alternative kids I felt back in the early 90s? I felt reading this book. On SOME parts I could relate to Kara, more in the self-abuse sort of thing, but the partying and drugs and drinking? Could not relate one bit and felt nervous about reading about bad apple kids. Like maybe they would do something bad near me and throw up.I think my biggest fear about the bad ass kids is that they would puke near me from drinking too much or drugs or something. I do not like, nor handle puking well.I am a baby. Shut up.The thing about this book is that it's all so raw and real feeling and still the characters, though completely out of my comfort and knowledge zones were relateable. I felt empathy and sympathy and all those other "athy" type things for them. Especially with each Ballad interlude. I might not have understood them during Kara's narration, but they became clearer and more real with their own stories.Makes me sort of think I should have been less scared of those aloof and cool smoker kids and talked to them more because we may have had more in common than I thought. I wish I had the confidence I have now because I would have known I could have had friends who felt similarly to myself and yet not have to join them in the partying and smoking, etc. Except, maybe, because it was high school, that wouldn't have worked out so well. Because back then everyone thought you HAD to join in to belong.Guess what, kids? You don't have to join in to belong. You can be yourself and people will like you. The people who matter that is./end soapbox speechYou know, my favourite ballad from the story was Christian's ballad. I teared up and I felt so much sympathy for him. And then Stephanie went and ripped that sympathy right out of my soul and I felt cheated. Like I fell for a nasty trick. Argh! I guess I wasn't the only one fooled as I read further into the story. But, still. *shakes fist at Christian and the author*I have wandered through Goodreads and LibraryThing to look at reviews while I was reading this book. Almost all of them sum up the book as, "WOW!" and you know what? It is WOW! So very much wow. It was an amazing book and I can't believe I waited so long to read it. It it weren't for my winning this copy from James at BookChic Club in the summer, I don't know when I would have picked it up on my own. Like the high school kids I was scared of as a teen, this book scared me just as much. I didn't think it would corrupt me, or puke near me (ha) but I knew it would be about things I saw as "wrong" and "bad" when I was a kid and I didn't know how I would relate to that now.I'm still a goody-two-shoes, I am not an innocent anymore though. I have only ever attempted pot ONCE in my life. I was in my 20s and I only puffed on it once and then sneezed for 45 minutes and was laughed at (it was funny, once I stopped sneezing). It smells like skunk. I just don't get it. I like cigars. I do not like alcohol, but I will drink Sex on the Beach or a Bloody Caesar (similar to a Bloody Mary but Canadian) but I'll have one glass and be half-asleep on the table. I have learned I don't have to join in to belong and the things I used to do to try and cope have been replaced with much healthier and less harmful things now as I have grown up.Even though I couldn't relate to what the characters were doing, I related to their pain and their confusion and their attempts at figuring out who the hell they were.It was also cool that this took place around the time I was the same age.This post might not make much sense but it's a lot of what's swirling around inside me after having finished that book. It's a lot to digest. In a good way.Thank you, Stephanie for writing this story. Your author note at the end made me think that we're a lot more alike than just funky-colour hair mates. Next time we run into each other in NYC - we should talk. ;)