Want to Go Private?

Want to Go Private?by Sarah Darer Littman

Abby and Luke chat online. They've never met. But they are going to. Soon.Abby is starting high school—it should be exciting, so why doesn't she care? Everyone tells her to "make an effort," but why can't she just be herself? Abby quickly feels like she's losing a grip on her once-happy life. The only thing she cares about anymore is talking to Luke, a guy she met online, who understands. It feels dangerous and yet good to chat with Luke—he is her secret, and she's his. Then Luke asks her to meet him, and she does. But Luke isn't who he says he is. When Abby goes missing, everyone is left to put together the pieces. If they don't, they'll never see Abby again. (goodreads.com)

WARNING!! If you are as prudish and squirmish about sexual content as I am, please note that this book will make you feel very shaky and disturbed.I had to put this book down a couple of times before I reached Part II of it because I felt sick. I knew this was going to be a heavy-hitter but I wasn't expecting quite the explicit storytelling that falls within these pages. Even now, as I write this, my breath is still choppy and my hands are shaking. This book is disturbing in many ways and although I want to shout from the rooftops that it was a great book, it feels wrong to do so.My first introduction to Sarah Darer Littman's works was when I read Purge which I picked up in the TAC in May 2010. It took me a long time to read that book because I was thinking it would be too much of an emotional roller coaster for me. I extremely enjoyed Purge and so I was quite interested in reading Want to Go Private  because it was an issue that I don't think has been tackled before in literature AND because Littman's writing is so real and true.I wasn't expecting to be as shaken as I am now when I started reading it. The chat scenes between Abby and Luke completely creeped me out. It started earlier than it might have for others because I was just WAITING for the creep-factor to kick in because I went in knowing Luck was the predator. (I am no good with anticipation!!) But once the online sexy times started I was freaked out and had to close the book, put it down and walk away. After drinking half a bottle of water in one gulp, I went back to the book, hands starting to shake to read more.The joke around my family, friends and coworkers is that no one can be as prudish as I am about things. I don't get most dirty jokes and I blush furiously over any sort of innuendo. I should have thought this book would have been a little much for me, but at the same time my brain was telling me "Go on, read it! I'm sure it's harmless and just hinted at."It is not. Graphic graphicyness galore.But not for the sake of being graphic. It is just an honest to goodness truthful depiction of what can happen without mincing words. I feel that if you stuck Sarah Darer Littman in the world of Divergent by Veronica Roth, she'd be the poster child for Candor's faction.This is a hard hitting, intense journey through the life of an innocent victim of an online predator and although it sort of seems like it happens very fast, I don't think I could have read much longer.Parts II and III of the story focus more on the different points of view of Abby's sister and friends. I really liked this about the book because it softens the creep factor that Part I threw at me and it was a nice touch to get a feel for how others react during the investigation. I was shocked at first by the change in direction as I was certain we'd be following Abby and Luke in the car, but I was so thankful for the sharp exit from the highway of ICK! to the more gentle backstreets of Everyone Else's Reactions.Even though I think I will have nightmares tonight and I can't get some of the scenes from the book out of my head right now, I am very happy that I read this book and I am extremely happy that Sarah Darer Littman wrote it. These things happen in life and how will teens and adults get through traumas without knowing there are people out there who understand. This book might resonate completely with someone out there who needs it. Sort of like myself and books on depression and suicide. I wish I had books like that to read when I was younger. I take solace from them now even though that part of me is long ago. You never truly get over traumas but you can take what you experienced and help make yourself a stronger person. I hope that this book helps someone who needs it and helps them heal.